Hi all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Hi all!
2
Tue, 11-20-2012 - 5:47pm

Board changes and Sandy had me offline for awhile!  No real damage to the homestead except the computer getting fried!

I have read 2 of the books recommended here and it's been really hard to digest.  I haven't seen my DV counselor due to Sandy and work conflicts. It's just hard to accept that I was not totally crazy and that my bad behavior near the end was a form of self protection.

On a good note, my 20yo son told me that I have come a long way from the bad momma I was.  Maybe there really is light at the end of the tunnel!

Good to be back.  Good to have the boards up and running.  Good that Sandy is gone and those affected can begin to move forward.

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
In reply to: HthrWhtvr
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 9:54am

Hello Htr, and welcome back to the board.  I hope your Thanksgiving passed peacefully and safely.  As a native Louisianan, I have way more experience with hurricanes than I really want to, so I'm glad to hear that you are safe and sound after what I know was probably a terrifying experience for you.

Good for you reading the books recommended.  Which ones did you read?  If you read Why Does He Do That, I understand completely how you feel.  It took me a very long time to read it, not because it's hard reading, but because so many things rang true, and like you, I had to have a little time to digest and accept it, and this was AFTER I left the abuser in my life.  I will be thrilled when you are able to return to your counselor and start working on de-conditioning yourself from the toxic thoughts and self images that the abuser put in your head about yourself.  Sometimes these are the things that require the hardest and most intense work, reclaiming our SELF because the abuser has made us, through conditioning, into someone we no longer even know.  Most survivors struggle with the "bad behavior" that they experience when in self-defense or survivor mode.  I'm so glad you understand that it was self-protection.  Of course, understanding it and getting rid of the effects of it are two different things, but I'm sure that working with your counselor will help in that regard.  It is hard work rebuilding your SELF and getting the abuser's voice out of your head, as well as the "old tapes" that play when he's not around.  I wish I could tell you how long that will take, but it's different for each and every one of us.  I do know that those who choose to attend counseling do far, far better at it, and progress more quickly than those who try to "tough it out" on their own, but that's a personal choice, and it's not my right to question that choice.  That's because it's within YOUR power and every other member of the board's to make the choices that are right for them.  That is PERSONAL EMPOWERMENT, something the abusers in our lives stripped from us, and in order to overcome, grow and heal, IMO, it is the FIRST thing we must reclaim.

I hope you and yours had a wonderful Thanksgiving, safe and peaceful.  Let us hear from you more often.  We're always here.  Oh, have you had a chance to look over the website and check out any of the fantastic info that is available there?  The link to it can be found in the very first post on this board.  Peace and my best to you.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
In reply to: HthrWhtvr
Thu, 12-06-2012 - 7:14pm

Thank you for always responding!  I did read why does he do that and also the verbally abusve relationship. I do need to stop procastinating the visit to the DV counselor.   They were both very emotionally *hard* reads.  I didn't connect with everything but when I did ....Wow and Ouch and Confused.  

It's only been in the past number of years that we have been impacted so hard by hurricanes/TS on such a regular basis.  I am in central PA and the last (before last 5yrs) impact was in '71.  We don't have storm surges or hurricane force winds but we do get serious winds(bye bye electric) and horrific flooding in areas that don't normally flood.

Yes, I checked out a lot of the links early on in my search for the truth.  They were just as hard to swallow and digest as some of the reading I've been doing.  I believe this is going to be a longer 'fix' than I had ever imagined.  I hoped that by educating myself, I would be able to accept it and move on.  I keep getting stalled because I can't believe that I was in the situation and didn't see it for what it was.  That I took so much on myself, that I am not in a better place over 5yrs out, that I can not totallly reconcile how horrible I feel about myself and that I shouldn't feel this way.  It's crazy.

Thank you for being here.