Hi Ladies! It's OUR Victory Party!

Avatar for azmommy35
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Hi Ladies! It's OUR Victory Party!
19
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 2:06am
Hello Ladies!

I know it has been a while. But here is my update -- please join me for OUR victory party...I hear the champagne corks a poppin'...and you're ALL invited!

For those of you who know me and my story, hello my friends. I have missed you immensely. This is a day I thought would never come. A day where, small as it is, an acknowledgement (whether heartfelt or not) was made, justice was exacted and validation was given to my story and my experience. I cannot type anymore without first mentioning the reason I am even here to begin with -- ALL OF YOU!

I owe you SO much -- my mizzy Jill, wise Mindspeak, hope-filled Patty, the loving "teacher" Sweet (I hold your first post to me near my heart), once in chaos but now free Sarah, warm mother Cheryl, knowledgeable Gabby, sweet Ruby, my humble Jo, beautiful Buff, the tender and poetic Guppy, rock-of-strength Johntree, and SO SO many of the other wise, wise, women (and men) who have had the courage to share their stories and their wisdom here. Thank you. You have, literally, saved my life and the lives of my children. We are well. We are healing. We are free. We are happy and life is full of hope and promise again. It IS my life now -- and it is amazing to be free.

Today was the FAVORABLE resolution of the civil lawsuit for the assaults and abuse committed against me by my XH over the better part of the past nine years and it concludes for me the final chapter in prosecuting my abuser and holding him FULLY accountable by using every single legal avenue available to me (criminal court, divorce court and civil court). I was awarded $70,000 in this civil settlement, along with a public apology letter (which I have printed for all of YOU to share below). In addition, my XH will not be given confidentiality OR any denial of liability (which is why I can type this all freely here and anywhere else I care to share it). For those of you familiar with the U.S. civil justice system, to receive a settlement in a civil suit where the defendant does not require confidentiality or denial of liability is a HUGE victory and SO very rarely done (since it is usually the only reason for a Defendant to settle a case). He cannot silence me about this or any other event that has occurred...anymore. There are no more secrets. No more lies. No more hiding from the truth. Today and every day from here and until the rest of my life, I will have a voice.

The Never Again Foundation, www.neveragainfoundation.com, made this entire civil process possible for me since they provided all of my legal services for FREE. My case will help pave the way for other women like US to bring the heaviest hand of the law against these LOSERS and exact from them a financial price for their crimes against us.

It is a MUCH GREATER deterrent than our current criminal system which convicted my XH of a misdemeanor DV assault, 2 years of unsupervised probation and court-mandated DV classes (or as I like to call it, finishing school). This was nothing more than a slap on the wrist to my XH. But today, his actions from the last seven years exacted a price-tag of $70,000 and the humiliating experience of issuing me a public apology letter and fully admitting his guilt. I have printed it for ALL OF YOU below:

Dear K:

You and I were in a relationship which lasted for the better part of nine years. I regret to say that during our relationship I physically, emotionally and psychologically abused you. I recognize my actions were wrong. K, I apologize for what I did to you.

I know that a mere apology is hollow -- especially when there have been so many apologies, followed by more abuse. Therefore, I am pleased to announce a substantial donation to the Never Again Foundation*, a non-profit charity that represents women and children victims of abuse. My donation will be used to help Kimberly and other victims of abuse attain some measure of healing from the abuse they have suffered.

My hope is that this letter and my contribution may help you and other victims heal from the wounds of abuse.

Sincerely, XH

(*100% is donated back to me; I will in turn donate a percentage of the proceeds back to the foundation).

Sure, none of this takes "it" away. Nothing could. Not the letter; not the money, not the confidentiality or liability clauses (or even his misdemeanor conviction), but it is the very best that our civil/criminal justice system provides and it IS FAR greater than most abuse victims will ever receive from their abusers for the crimes committed against them. Today I share this apology letter with all of you, in both form and feeling, and I offer it as my own personal apology to each of you for each and every incident of abuse you have endured. May it be a symbol of the hope I hold for all of you for future filled with respect and one that is free from abuse.

For me, this apology letter will surpass all tests of time. It will forever mark the moment that I was able to open the doors of our justice system and the moment that will forever remind my XH that abusing comes at a very costly price -- literally and figuratively. And, long after the money is gone and my children are grown, it will be this letter that I will hold in my hands as the ultimate and final chapter of validation in this journey away from abuse and towards healing. It will forever mark my path and how far I have come. I must admit that this journey has not been an easy one and the path was the most difficult I have ever walked. But I would not retrace a single step. Each painfully, blistering stride forward was worth every single tear and I would do it a hundred times over again, just to be free.

More so, this process has helped me heal. I feel empowered by my own ability to seek justice. I feel strength knowing that my abuser clearly understands I will stop at nothing to prosecute him to the fullest extent of the law if he ever "goes there" again with me or our daughters.

Today, we all win ladies. This victory is about much more than money. This is about accountability -- holding people accountable for their actions and choices. It also sends a loud and clear message to those that abuse -- prices are being paid for their choices and they don't come cheap.

Today, I pause to recognize my transformation. I am no longer a victim. I am a survivor.

Please join me for a victory toast, "To ALL of us -- those "in" and those "out", and to those that are still determining if they even belong here (I remember this feeling intimately), and to our futures of hope and promise. May we forever strive for a life free from abuse and one that offers us the respect, dignity and love we deserve. May we find the strength to walk that extra step forward despite the pain and to trust that there can be a better tomorrow if we are willing to truly achieve it. May we ALL find a place of peace in our lives and a place where we can feel safe. And, may we find comfort in knowing we are not alone in our abuse, that we are connected by our stories and our experiences and that this uniting of spirits can truly set us free. L'Chaim ("to life")"



MANY HUGS; HOPE ALWAYS, K

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 5:33am

CONGRATULATIONS!!! That IS a victory and then some! AZmommy you were there for me when I first showed up here about 1.5 yrs ago, and nothing gives me more pleasure than to read your victory post here today. I hope your story and the results you have written about here will bring some much needed comfort and HOPE to our board members here and over at NB. Muchissimos huggies to you and your family. You DESERVE this, and I am SO happy for you.


BTW - Apologies to all who don't know me...I know I haven't been around lately. Been on my surgery rotation and sheesh - 4am to 7pm (if lucky) is no picnic...makes me wonder how people do this and have families at home??? Thank you azmommy for knocking on my door...I needed it! :)


Also - "Ernie" (see link below) has been laying eggs! I was almost a budgie grandma! (they're unfertilized).


gupp

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 10:37am
Now this is something to cheers to!!! Everybody raise those glasses. Haven't been here as long as everyone else, but I'm free just like you. This is great. Congratulations!!!!

Melissa

Avatar for silvermoon458
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 12:20pm
WOW!!! I am so proud of you, K, for having the courage to see this all the way through! Raising your arm in victory, my dear!

Hugs,

Christine

Outside ideas of right doing and wrong doing, there is a field. I will meet you there. -- Rumi
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 1:10pm

KIM!


Oh, honey, this is wonderful, wonderful news for you.

CL-Blueliner4

Avatar for silvermoon458
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 1:38pm
Guppy!!!!! It is great to see you. I am smiling.

Congratulations on all that you are doing.

Christine

Outside ideas of right doing and wrong doing, there is a field. I will meet you there. -- Rumi
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 3:42pm
Hiya silver...Thnks! Feels good to be back... Huge hugs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 3:45pm

Whoops...was signed in under Ernie's log-in when I posted that reply to you silver! Oh well. Ernie says thnks and hi too!


gupp

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 4:09pm

Hey Guppy!


Glad things seem to be on track with you.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 6:23pm
WOW!!! I wish I could put 100 ballons up here instead of one! This is the best news I have heard in a long time! What a fabulous and well deserved victory for you and your children!! I am BEYOND happy for you, AZ. Thank you so much for sharing this news with us and also telling everyone about the Never Again Foundation. My mouth is still just hanging open, I am SO thrilled about this!!

Much Love and Many Smiles,

Jeeps

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 9:40pm
K, hugest hugs and gigantic congratulations to you on this incredible victory.

Mama Harmony

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