Hi Ladies! It's OUR Victory Party!

Avatar for azmommy35
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Hi Ladies! It's OUR Victory Party!
19
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 2:06am
Hello Ladies!

I know it has been a while. But here is my update -- please join me for OUR victory party...I hear the champagne corks a poppin'...and you're ALL invited!

For those of you who know me and my story, hello my friends. I have missed you immensely. This is a day I thought would never come. A day where, small as it is, an acknowledgement (whether heartfelt or not) was made, justice was exacted and validation was given to my story and my experience. I cannot type anymore without first mentioning the reason I am even here to begin with -- ALL OF YOU!

I owe you SO much -- my mizzy Jill, wise Mindspeak, hope-filled Patty, the loving "teacher" Sweet (I hold your first post to me near my heart), once in chaos but now free Sarah, warm mother Cheryl, knowledgeable Gabby, sweet Ruby, my humble Jo, beautiful Buff, the tender and poetic Guppy, rock-of-strength Johntree, and SO SO many of the other wise, wise, women (and men) who have had the courage to share their stories and their wisdom here. Thank you. You have, literally, saved my life and the lives of my children. We are well. We are healing. We are free. We are happy and life is full of hope and promise again. It IS my life now -- and it is amazing to be free.

Today was the FAVORABLE resolution of the civil lawsuit for the assaults and abuse committed against me by my XH over the better part of the past nine years and it concludes for me the final chapter in prosecuting my abuser and holding him FULLY accountable by using every single legal avenue available to me (criminal court, divorce court and civil court). I was awarded $70,000 in this civil settlement, along with a public apology letter (which I have printed for all of YOU to share below). In addition, my XH will not be given confidentiality OR any denial of liability (which is why I can type this all freely here and anywhere else I care to share it). For those of you familiar with the U.S. civil justice system, to receive a settlement in a civil suit where the defendant does not require confidentiality or denial of liability is a HUGE victory and SO very rarely done (since it is usually the only reason for a Defendant to settle a case). He cannot silence me about this or any other event that has occurred...anymore. There are no more secrets. No more lies. No more hiding from the truth. Today and every day from here and until the rest of my life, I will have a voice.

The Never Again Foundation, www.neveragainfoundation.com, made this entire civil process possible for me since they provided all of my legal services for FREE. My case will help pave the way for other women like US to bring the heaviest hand of the law against these LOSERS and exact from them a financial price for their crimes against us.

It is a MUCH GREATER deterrent than our current criminal system which convicted my XH of a misdemeanor DV assault, 2 years of unsupervised probation and court-mandated DV classes (or as I like to call it, finishing school). This was nothing more than a slap on the wrist to my XH. But today, his actions from the last seven years exacted a price-tag of $70,000 and the humiliating experience of issuing me a public apology letter and fully admitting his guilt. I have printed it for ALL OF YOU below:

Dear K:

You and I were in a relationship which lasted for the better part of nine years. I regret to say that during our relationship I physically, emotionally and psychologically abused you. I recognize my actions were wrong. K, I apologize for what I did to you.

I know that a mere apology is hollow -- especially when there have been so many apologies, followed by more abuse. Therefore, I am pleased to announce a substantial donation to the Never Again Foundation*, a non-profit charity that represents women and children victims of abuse. My donation will be used to help Kimberly and other victims of abuse attain some measure of healing from the abuse they have suffered.

My hope is that this letter and my contribution may help you and other victims heal from the wounds of abuse.

Sincerely, XH

(*100% is donated back to me; I will in turn donate a percentage of the proceeds back to the foundation).

Sure, none of this takes "it" away. Nothing could. Not the letter; not the money, not the confidentiality or liability clauses (or even his misdemeanor conviction), but it is the very best that our civil/criminal justice system provides and it IS FAR greater than most abuse victims will ever receive from their abusers for the crimes committed against them. Today I share this apology letter with all of you, in both form and feeling, and I offer it as my own personal apology to each of you for each and every incident of abuse you have endured. May it be a symbol of the hope I hold for all of you for future filled with respect and one that is free from abuse.

For me, this apology letter will surpass all tests of time. It will forever mark the moment that I was able to open the doors of our justice system and the moment that will forever remind my XH that abusing comes at a very costly price -- literally and figuratively. And, long after the money is gone and my children are grown, it will be this letter that I will hold in my hands as the ultimate and final chapter of validation in this journey away from abuse and towards healing. It will forever mark my path and how far I have come. I must admit that this journey has not been an easy one and the path was the most difficult I have ever walked. But I would not retrace a single step. Each painfully, blistering stride forward was worth every single tear and I would do it a hundred times over again, just to be free.

More so, this process has helped me heal. I feel empowered by my own ability to seek justice. I feel strength knowing that my abuser clearly understands I will stop at nothing to prosecute him to the fullest extent of the law if he ever "goes there" again with me or our daughters.

Today, we all win ladies. This victory is about much more than money. This is about accountability -- holding people accountable for their actions and choices. It also sends a loud and clear message to those that abuse -- prices are being paid for their choices and they don't come cheap.

Today, I pause to recognize my transformation. I am no longer a victim. I am a survivor.

Please join me for a victory toast, "To ALL of us -- those "in" and those "out", and to those that are still determining if they even belong here (I remember this feeling intimately), and to our futures of hope and promise. May we forever strive for a life free from abuse and one that offers us the respect, dignity and love we deserve. May we find the strength to walk that extra step forward despite the pain and to trust that there can be a better tomorrow if we are willing to truly achieve it. May we ALL find a place of peace in our lives and a place where we can feel safe. And, may we find comfort in knowing we are not alone in our abuse, that we are connected by our stories and our experiences and that this uniting of spirits can truly set us free. L'Chaim ("to life")"



MANY HUGS; HOPE ALWAYS, K

Pages

Avatar for azmommy35
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 1:29am
JEEPS! {{{{{hugs}}}}} I tried to email you directly at both your work and home but my email came back to me -- your email addy must have changed again. I was hoping to find you this Sunday in chat and catch you up then in case you weren't walking these halls any longer. How are YOU and the lovely Chloe? Did you move? I'm so behind on the boards; am hoping to catch up some this weekend. Please email me with an update on you when you get a chance (kdkaz35@yahoo.com) I missed you girl! huge hugs, k
Avatar for azmommy35
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 1:37am
Hugs Mama! I forgot to mention you and SO many other people directly in my post who have been so much a part of my journey and you are one of those voices. THANK YOU for posting the correct website -- yes, that's exactly it. From what the attorneys have explained there may soon be a television series based upon the very cases/work that the Never Again Foundation does. What a remarkable tool that would be to educate the masses and impress upon abusers the high price they may pay for their crimes. I hope it happens for them. I, too, hope every state will soon follow and provide these services. I hope to have some more time now that things have settled down to hang about more often and lend what I can to this forum. Thank you for ALL the wisdom you share within these pages. Huge hugs my friend.
Avatar for azmommy35
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 1:44am
Hiya Guppy! Good to "C" you again!! :^)) We have both come a long way baby! Thank you for popping in to say hello -- sounds like you're incredibly busy...but also, healing. :^) It is a long road with many turns and twists, but it is paved with the promise of hope for true contentment in life. I wish it for us ALL..we will get there; one step at a time. HUGE HUGS to my favorite guppyfish! K
Avatar for azmommy35
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 1:46am
Hi Mel...Thanks for your toast to OUR freedom. Mmmmmm...tasty! Hugs my friend, K
Avatar for azmommy35
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 1:52am
Christine {{{{{{hugs!!!}}}}} I am embarassed that I forgot to mention YOU directly in my first post as you have been there for me every step of the way. I have so many of your posts to me. You have lended me so much wisdom and perspective; especially about being able to let go of some of the anger in order to truly heal. THANK YOU. I really mean it. I told my parent's this evening at dinner that I really would not have been able to get here without this board -- I would have went back to him, I wouldn't have known how to put together a timeline/frame and evidence of the abuse, keep records, have the kind of moral support to make it through one more day, etc..This board and all of you were here for me when it was the very darkest of days -- when each minute seemed like an eternity of hurt and pain and during the time when simply existing was a struggle. I'm not sure where I would be today without all of you, but I know for sure it wouldn't be in this space and time and place of...healing. I love you all; huge hugs my friend, K
Avatar for azmommy35
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 1:58am
Hiya friend! {{{{{hugs}}}}}} Thank you for the congrats and the yummy mimosas and barista's..mmmmmmmmmmm.... We will absolutely get together on Memorial Day to truly toast our FREEDOM!!! MANY, MANY thanks for all you have shared in the past and for all the wisdom you continue to share -- you make a difference to a whole lot of people (me included) :^) huge hugs my friend, k
Avatar for bama1gal
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 6:54pm
WOOOOOOOO, WHOOOOOOO!!!! Oh, honey. You are bringing me out of lurker status here to send you some great big hugs of happiness! I'm popping the cork, dancing the dance. You so deserve this, honey.


As for the thanks to all of us, I know that for me, you have helped me get through my ordeal as well. Knowing that you could get through your situation and also fight back helped me move forward in my own. K, you've been a great support to me, and knowing that we're in the same state bugs me since we still haven't gotten together! One of these days, we will make it to Anthem for that drink - or shopping!

Way to go!

Peace and hugs,

Cheryl =)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 1:06pm
SOOOOO happy for your victory! Ya never know who's gonna come out from hiding when there's a party to be had.... I too have this board and so many posters and cl's to thank for my freedom (two years on Oct. 18!) I was so isolated and couldn't get to any in-person help so everyone here is like long lost family to me.

T'would be fun to have a get together for all of us.... I'd travel just about anywhere to meet all of you -- I think that would be a blast!

Anyway, congrats my dear. This is huge for all the women to follow in your footsteps.

(And if anyone reads this and wants to continue correspondence my email address is foxtrotter62@hotmail.com)

Take good care!

~Fox

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 12:34am
Thank you for your post! You are truly amazing and your experience inspires me! Congratulations!

Pages