his behavior comes like clockwork...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
his behavior comes like clockwork...
2
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 8:13pm

Well,for everyone who read my last post ...I was right ...the storm came ....

after a few days of silence .....I saw the clouds rolling in this morning ...when he called me at 6 30 ,to ask me if it was really over ....and proceeded to yell at me while I was trying to get my son ready for school....I hang up ...he calls right back ....

anyway ....he calls me this afternoon ,tells me that he is stranded on the highway bc his truck stalled ...."would you come pick me up ?,"....(yes I am stupid ,I know )BUT I did it ,and the second he walks in the door he called his dad to come pick him up (exactly what our agreement was when I said I would come get him)he called him after he checked my caller ID ,of course .

his conversation with his father was upsetting to me ,bc he said "dad,can you come get me bf I go to jail ,she is starting on me already ,and she will have me arrested "

I just stood there with my jaw dropped ....I had not said one wrong word to him ..AT ALL ....he was the one asking me "are you seeing ,talking to another man ????"I kept my mouth shut ....he was here 20 minutes ,and I guarantee you that he asked me that question at least 50 times ...just over and over again ..."if you tell me the truth ,I WILL leave you alone ,I wont even call you anymore "BLAH BLAH BLAH....

so he atarts to leave ...and I was smiling at something my daughter said to me ...he said "WTF are you laughing at ?????""BC you are planning on taking my kids away ???"etc

I just need to tell someone what goes on here ....I feel like I am alone ....he has turned everyone against me ,God knowss what he has said about me ....No one understtands but you guys ...Thanks for listening .

Even though he tells me its not my fault... I cant help but feel it is in some way ,...he did tell me he needed me to do more, and that he wasnt feeling connected to me because of the distance ...But he really didnt give me a c

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 9:16pm

Hi love,
I know what you're going through,and I sympathize.I know it's easier said than done BUT..you really need to stop giving in to him.(this coming from ME,the queen of giving in! LOL) You owe this man NOTHING.
Try not to spend too much time worrying about what he has told others.All abusers do this,they tell everyone who will listen how badly you treated them,how they never did anything but love you,how you unjustly kicked them out and took their children away from them.They always use the "woe is me" crap.You have to deal with the realization that he is going to fool alot of people.There's nothing you can do about that..move on.YOu do not need to justify yourself to anyone.
As for him going through your caller Id, he had NO right.Don't allow him another chance to do that to you.Sorry,can you tell this is a button pusher for me? lol I've just been through the same b.s. with my H,and I truly hate to see other women have to endure the same hell.
The bottom line is,if you want to have him out of your life, you have to be firm and stand your ground.We do understand and we ARE here for you.

Serenity

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 11:21pm
It is great that you have seen the pattern and can now nearly predict when the 'storm' will pass through. It's a completely familiar pattern that is so typical for these guys. And you are absolutely not alone, even when it feels horribly like it is so. We all understand your feelings and will be there for you when you wish to vent them or need advice. But to nip this torment in the bud, I agree with serenity completely. You have to build an imaginary wall between you and him. A really high, thick wall that prevents you from seeing (in your mind), feeling (no sympathies or guilt), or speaking (no thoughts about what you want to say to him) to him. You have to think indifference. It is so hard, and possibly the wall is never thick enough to filter out all the feelings, but work on it until it becomes easier and easier to just block him out of your life. The goal is to pick up the phone, hear his voice, and think 'who is this bizarre person on the other end' and hang up. Whenever you hear about his problems and the blame for all you supposedly did to him, you want to think 'not my problem' and ignor the nonesense ramblings. Even think of the funny voice of the teacher on the 'Peanuts' cartoons when you hear him. It will get easier with time, though always somewhat difficult to deal with. But to rescue your own peace of mind, you must not let him enter. There is absolutely nothing useful or productive he can do to you or say to you. He can only bring more hurt. Let him wallow in his own little dark world alone, while you enjoy the sunlight.