Hit once and deserved it? Please Help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Hit once and deserved it? Please Help.
21
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 10:20am

Hi everyone,

I am new to this forum and I am not sure I even belong here. In fact I can not find a forum that best suits my problem...but I thought I would start here.

I have been married for almost 3 years to a "perfect" man. He is the poster child for what every woman dreams of. Caring, works hard, loves me to death, takes care of family member (his and mine)...etc. etc. etc. The problem is that for reasons I can not explain I do not love him anymore...I have known this for a while and kept thinking maybe the 'feeling' would come back. I love him like a friend...that is all.

Well...to cut to the chase, I cheated on him while vacationing a few weeks ago. I still talk to this person via e-mail and find him attractive...I do not want to stop the communication. With this being said, I told my husband I wanted to seperate....and a few days later I told him I wanted a divorce. I realize that it is all my fault. I ruined his life and so much will be changing for him. Well, yesterday during a heated discussion he slapped me accross the face very hard. I did not hit back. I just stood in shock. He apologized (as it is not in his chacter) and I told him it was my fautl becasue of all I am putting it through and I deserved it.

My question is hitting like this okay under the circumstances? I do not think he will do it again but them again I have never been hit before.

Please help.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 10:43am

Welcome Eliza...


First of all...NO ONE deserves to be slapped.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 12:42pm

No, it's absolutely not okay for anyone to hit you. He does not sound like a perfect man to me.

It takes two people to make a marriage work, so I doubt seriously that the breakdown in the marriage is all your fault. It sounds to me like you're carrying around a heavy burden of needless guilt.

Sometimes marriages don't work out, and it's okay to leave them. You shouldn't have to feel like you're ruining his life or that you deserve to be hit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 2:36pm
Thank you. I really needed to hear that :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 3:04pm
NO ONE deserves to be hit. I don't care what the circumstances are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 3:08pm
thank you so much. my therapist says the same...i still think i have it coming for what i did.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 3:30pm

Hi Eliza, welcome -


Your therapist is right.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 3:56pm
Thank you...but I have destoyed this mans life. Everything he knows and loves. I feel like I desreve the hit....I asked for it. But a part of me is a little afraid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 4:10pm

Eliza...


Please do not put the blame on yourself.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 4:28pm

Eliza, why do you think you destroyed his life?

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 7:40pm
Thank you ci-blueliner4. I still can not help but blame myself. My h has never emotionally or verbally or phyisically abused me. He simply hit me when I told him I cheated and did not love him anymore. I know my life is in no better shape than his but is I only could make myself love him things would be ok. This sounds bizzare does it not?

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