Honestly...was this abuse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2011
Honestly...was this abuse?
7
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 12:53pm

I have already filed for divorce from my soon-to-be-ex.

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 7:36pm

Honestly, was this abuse?

Mama Harmony

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-24-2011 - 6:06am

YES


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2011
Thu, 11-24-2011 - 8:39am
Thanks for your response, cajunharmony. Funny, my lawyer said the same Dr. Phil quote to me. I think I just needed validation that what my ex did was WRONG. It's kind of sad that none of my family and/or friends have actually said that to me. They just say "Sorry to hear that." It makes me wonder, for a second, was I just dealing with something that everyone deals with? There is no way on God's semi-green earth that I would ever go back to him. Never, ever. I just worry about my son seeing his temperamental tendencies and thinking that it's okay.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2011
Thu, 11-24-2011 - 8:42am
queen, thanks for your response. I would NEVER go back to him, ever. But like I posted above, no one has ever really told me what he did wasn't right, and I also worry about my son growing up and seeing how temperamental my ex is. I guess I need to stop worrying and start living the example for my son. I was also worried about the rape thing. I was date raped about 5 years ago and it took me quite a while to get over the trauma. I keep having flashbacks to what happened with my ex, and it's traumatizing. But then I think about how he has such a close relationshipw ith his first ex-wife and how they are spending the holidays together, and it just irks me. I need to get over it--she can have him!
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Thu, 11-24-2011 - 9:09am

Sapphire, I'm sorry friends and family didn't give you more support, but I wanted to point out something.

Mama Harmony

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-24-2011 - 9:12am
You won't just get over it. I wish you could but sadly it doesn't work that way. But with most its not so much mourning him but the thought of what should have been.

I had a friend who could not understand why with the last attack I was not upset over the attempted rape. She was in school taking psychology and her professor had to explain that for me that was normal. That's a little different then how your family is seeing it but its basically the same thing. They haven't lived it so do not understand. For me I had been raped by him for years, someone had to point that out to me since I never said no and he didn't take it by physical force.

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Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 11-24-2011 - 11:25am

Oh; My

Your stbx sounds like the typical man who has narcisstic personality disorder.. He is with his first ex because I can bet that she forgot all of the things he did to her when they were married. I can bet he abused her and they got divorced.. What happens in those