Is this the honeymoon period or change?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Is this the honeymoon period or change?
2
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 11:59am

For those that don't remember me, after 11 years of marriage and one 6 yr old daughter my husband's temper has been escalating and bubbled over right before Christmas with me driving and nearly having a wreck (my fault, oncoming car in my blind spot) and him hitting me over and over again on the arm and one hit connecting with my face. He was very remorsefull, horrified, guilty, etc. We talked and he walked on egg shells for a few days, I told him to quit because it was bugging me and we have moved on I think. Now he is acting normal again, I don't mean escalating temper or yelling as has been the norm for about 2 years, I mean normal as in the guy I married. He isn't overly lovey, dovey, he hasn't brought me gifts or gone out of his way to be the "perfect husband", he is just the guy he was years ago, normal. We have had arguments and they have been the normal arguments we used to have. Some yelling, but not very loud, no name calling, and the arguments were dealt with through calming down and talking it out.

One argument we had (I can't even remember what it was about, just a long day and we both got irritated) resulted in me leaving the kitchen and sitting in the living room for a while and I heard our daughter ask DH if we were getting a divorce. He came into the living room and asked if I heard her question. I said "Yep, I heard her, why don't you answer her?" He went back to the kitchen and said "No sweetie, Mommy and Daddy aren't getting a divorce." "Basically we are both tired, Mommy is fighting off a cold and Daddy's hand hurts (tendonitis)and instead of reminding each other of that, we forget about it and get grumpy and irritable instead of resting when we get home." She said "When you don't feel good your 'apposed to rest."

So how does he sound as far as him getting "better"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 1:44pm

Well, I can't say that that impresses me too much; I'm not seeing what the point of "did you hear what she said?" might have been other than a guilt trip. However, you can check out our board webpage to learn about signs that he may or may not be changing.

http://cl-wishful78.tripod.com/RDAHomePage.cfm

Take a look, and see what you make of it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 5:20pm

Well, even if he is getting "better", one of the many common problems that 99.9% of abusers share is that "getting better" NEVER lasts for too long. They seem to act "normal" for a while and then they're right back to the same ole' crap -- control, abuse and dominating their partner.

What's more important is this:

If he had hit you "over and over again on the arm and one hit connecting with your face" on the FIRST DATE, would you still be with him now?

If the answer is a resounding "No," then why stay with him?

For the sake of your child? Would you want her to grow up and look for a man who will treat her like her daddy treats you? I think not.

For the sake of maintaining the essentials of life? Having your own income and the guts/determination to make it will solve that AND allow you and your child to live in an abuse and chaos-free environment.

All the best,
~H