Hope you don't mind
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 11-09-2005 - 5:06pm |
I hope no one minds me posting this but having read a lot of posts on this board i just wanted to give a perspective after the abuse has ended.
I spent 3 years in a mentally (at first), physically and sexually abusive relationship from the ages of 19 - 21. This guy was also my first boyfriend (i started late!!!!) and i ended up living with him. I am a strong independant woman and even now find it hard to accept that i allowed him to do all of the things that he did. He used to tell me, quite calmly that he was going to slit my throat, that he would never hit me (having held me by the throat naked over the bath and slammed an iorn bar into the pillow saying that could be my face, forcing me to take part in threesomes, telling me i was obese even getting a dr's chart to prove it (i was 8stone!!!!), not allowing me to see friends - its never ending!
It was so hard to leave and i think that part of that was accepting that i had been part of it, i had NEVER told anyone what had gone on. Even though my family disliked him i did not listen, i thought 'i could change/help him' - no, you can't. The only one that can help him is him. The last time i saw him he was curled in a ball on the floor begging me not to leave - this was after he had thrown me and all of my stuff out of the appartment at 2am because i had finished off the orange juice (go ahead and laugh....i do now...regularly!!!!).
I know that leaving him was the ONLY choice i had and fortunately as i had such a wonderful family he never managed to destroy my spirit. I look at the situation i was in 9 years on and am not thankful that i went through it but it has allowed me to have a clear understanding of what i will not accept in a relationship and also not to repeat the mistake, take note of warning signs and believe fully in myself.
I really feel for each and every person on this board. None of you will leave until you are ready, that time will come but no one telling you to go will cut it. Only you know when it is the right time to break away.
I have completed my degree, have my own home and am comfortable in my skin...al the things he said i would never be!!!! Ha Ha.....
I now know that it was all his issues, i am still friends with his sister in law and i know that he has attempted suicide twice, been diagnosed as having a personality disorder and spent extended periods of time in psychiatric care. Do i feel sorry for him? Do i forgive him? Firstly i forgave myself, allowed myself to accept that this had happened. I harbor no anger towards him, just pity as he is a sad, unwell human. No it did not give him the right to treat another person like that.
So here i am 9 yrs later, healthy and happy and a little wiser. I feel for everyone on this board and wish you all the courage love and strength in the world. I hope no one minded me sharing this.
Blessings.x
| Wed, 11-09-2005 - 8:45pm |
| Thu, 11-10-2005 - 8:36am |
