Hopeless can someone help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Hopeless can someone help?
9
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 5:56pm
I know no one can really help me but my self but i thought i would share my situation with someone to see what type of advice you can give me. I am 22 years old and i have been in a relationship for 2 1/2 years. Out of that time i have been a victim of both physcial and mental abuse. I would say on certain aspects i am a strong individual on certain things but on certain things im not. Im one of the people who believe that if you treat others with respect then they will return the favor. Now im stuck in a situation where i feel hopeless. Im not married to this guy and i have no kids by him but i feel trapped. I have my own apartment and my own car and he is one of those people that feels whatever is mine is his and i have no say so over my own things anymore. I made the mistake of letting him know where i live and now i cant get him to leave. I tried to be straight forward with him and tell him that we cant be together but it doesnt work. He always seems to bring up the fact that he is stronger than me and that he can hit me if he wants to and that he is doing me a favor by not doing those things. Im scared that if i bring up the issue again that he will try to do harm to me and destroy everything i worked so hard for. Im really at the end of my rope and i cant cope with this. I cant sleep or eat and im losing weight and its just taking over my whole life. I feel like i have no option like im either forced to be miserable or risk losing everything i worked hard for. I would just like to know if anybody has any suggestions or if anybody has been in my situation and has gotten out. Could you please shed some light on me and my situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 6:15pm

Welcome to the board Candice....


First of all, your bf doesn't get it and he never will.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 7:47pm
Thank you so much for your response! I just want him out of my apartment so that i can get the restraining order against him. I have never felt like this in my life its like i cant even concentrate on anything else. I cant enjoy being 22 and living on my own for the first time.I cant stop crying and i just feel like if i dont get my self out of this situation that i may end up hurting myself. It's very painful for me because if i do this i just dont want to have to worry about him coming after me in the future. I want to be able to live a normal life and im starting see non logical means as a way out for me. Buti cant help think about my family and how they have tried to help me and it scares me to even have to involve them in any of this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 9:07pm
Honey, your friends/family can be your best support system.
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 11:29pm

Hi, Candice. Your comments about hurting yourself struck a chord for me. You deeply deserve to be out of this right now. You can't get him out long enough to get an RO? Then the next thing to think about is whether you can get out by yourself during the day. If so, go straight to court or to the police station and request the RO. The police will go to your place and remove him. If that's not possible, two mintues on the phone will bring the police over. Do you see what I'm saying? You are worth whatever length you have to go to to make that break.

If you're worried that he may come back to hurt you, then listen to that. Do what it takes to feel safe. Your concern for your family makes sense, and if you think he will harm them, you need to tell the judge that. If they would be in danger on account of your tossing him, then they're already not safe.

Keep us posted, ok? And if he uses your computer, clear the history. Big hugs and best of luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 8:39am

Hi Candice,

I know you're afraid of what he might do if you try to make him leave, but think about what he's already done to you. He's abused you physically and emotionally, and he's still threatening you. Now you're thinking of hurting yourself. That's pretty serious stuff. Since you've asked him to leave, and he's not leaving, then it's time to bring in the police, and please tell all your close friends and family what's going on. Remember, you're already in serious danger. Thinking about the future can be too overwhelming when you're in the midst of such a stressful situation. Just take this one day at a time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 2:26pm
First off i want to thank each and everyone of you who responded to me. Yesterday i felt as if there was no hope in the world anymore for me. I'm trying to keep myself grounded by family members and things of that nature. I was a wreck yesterday and he seen how i was and agreed that it was time for him to leave. I just hope that once he leaves he stays out. He knows that before i met him and even in the beginning i was a strong person but he also knows that he has worn me down and doesnt like it either. Hopefully today is the last day that i will have to deal with this person because i just want to go on a live a 22 years old life and not someone older. I can say i have lost weight but the way im doing that is unhealthy. I just want my life back and hopefully tomorrow will be a new day and a new chapter in what is my life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 2:44pm

Good for you hun.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 9:08am
This guy sounds like a bully & a user.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 2:38pm
I want to say thank you to you all. I think i am on the right path now. I think he realizes i am serious when i say that i will do whatever is necessary to get away from him. I almost had a nervous break down last week just thinking about how trapped i feel. I started thinking and figuring him out though. I said a long time ago that me and him couldnt be together because of how he acted and that i wouldnt stand for someone hitting me. He stopped doing that but now he tries to accuse me of everything under the sun from sleeping to all types of guys to talking on the phone with guys when he is sitting there. Mind you this is all the stuff that he does to me. He only starts accusing me of stuff when he knows he has done something wrong. Then whenever i get mad and say its over he always tries to through "Well you said i had to change my ways in order to be with you but since you dont want me that way then i'll guess i'll go back to my old way when i used to put my hands on you". I never realized until the other day that this was his sick way of getting me to calm down by threatening to hit me because he knew i didnt like that so he would let me know this is what i could do but if you contiue to act right then so will i. I mean it just pisses me off to know that somebody mind works like that and he actually think he is right. All i need is maybe another week and i will be completely over this situation. He is scared of my father so i know as long as im around here he will not bother me. My cell phone is cut off so he has no way to get in contact with me. Hopefully this will be the last time in my life i feel this way and have to deal with this. THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH FOR THE ADVISE!!