How about a "story" thread for those of
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How about a "story" thread for those of
| Thu, 03-10-2005 - 2:06pm |
us who havent been around here long, AND those veterans here as well? Your story of how you got here, & where you are going. Also, if you have kids, etc. That would help me keep some people & their situations strait, i think! Thanks! R~


I'm on it!
CL-Blueliner4
I think this would be a good idea too. I've got one question though for you, Blue. How do I go back through the old threads looking for what I posted? You've told me to do that before, and I have no clue how. I tried the archives and my name but that didn't do anything. I want to say I came to this board around this time last year or maybe sooner.
Can you help me?
Happy
Go up to the "advanced search" link and you can search by screenname
CL-Blueliner4
Here goes:
I met my ex almost 8 years ago. He was romantic, charming and very attractive. I thought I had found my soul mate. We met in April, by the end of April he told me he loved me and at Christmas we got engaged. We married over a year later and I thought things were okay. He always had dark moods where he would not speak to me for a couple of days and would just hide in our bedroom, but I thought maybe since they were the same time each year maybe he just had a previous bad experience. The first dark mood was the day after Christmas, he didn't talk to me until New Years. I also knew he had a temper and that he did not want to let it show as he knew if he really lost it, he could hurt someone.
We got married, started a business and he came down with cancer. I took care of him and my job and the business while he was treated. When he got better, he never acted appreciative of all that I did for him during that time.
Fast forward several years. Over time the dark moods came more frequent from twice a year to every 3-4 months to every two months. I tried to get him into counseling for years or to a doctor for meds as I was sure he was bipolar. Feb 2004 we found out I was pregnant and things tanked from there. He got angry and threw a remote control past my head and shattered it on the wall in March, June he grabbed my hair and pulled me onto our bed threatening to choke the ch*t out of me, July he annouced he found a house and was moving out immediately, I was to bring his clothes to the new house and completely move myself in with no help and in my second trimester. In August, he got into a dark mood again and I was so exhausted that I went home to rest in our bed(we slept on a futon at the house as he swore it was bigger than a double bed and he didn't want to sleep on that tiny thing again). When I went home, I slept for 12 hours straight, took a bath and started planning. I knew that things had to change(the road we were on was not good) and I would not bring a child into this. I took all his bills and separated them from mine(his stack was double the size of mine) and I made a budget to make sure financially I could be okay without child support as I knew he would not pay.
Things came to blows a week later. I was supposed to go to our house for dinner and my car broke down. He would not come get me. He would not talk to me. Then at 8pm he called and kept me on the phone for 2 hours going over and over why I would not come home and how he was going to talk the baby from me as soon as it was born. I told him at 10pm I was tired and had to go. He then called our house from 10pm to midnight. I called the police and filed a domestic violence report on the calls and he kept calling the entire time they were there. They said they could not do anything other than to take a report. When the phone stopped I was on the cell phone with a counselor trying to get help with him as I honestly didn't know what to do. I knew he was out of control, but didn't know how to get him help without his permission. When I got off, I had two messages from him one saying he was going to break all my stuff and leave it in the front yard in the morning at my mom's and two saying he was done and I could have a divorce, but if he ever saw me again he would kill me. I called the police and they filed another report and went to talk to him. He got an attitude with them and they almost arrested him then.
I filed and got a RO for two days afterwhich we would go to court. When we went to court he flipped out with the judge and after a screaming match with her, she threw him out and made the final order for months longer than I even requested.
He broke the order by calling my work, my home, my cell. Finally he ran me off the road in front of my work and smashed my cell when I tried to call for help. He opened my door and repeated that he meant what he said and would kill me. I pressed charges and they issued a warrant for his arrest. He was picked up the night after our son was born as we were to go to court that day and I could not make it. They told him in open court our son was born and he came straight to the hospital. They would not give him any information as I was registered under indemity and he would not say who he was, just that he wanted to see the baby and he was the father. The nurses called security and when they escorted him out of the building he punched a hole in the wall. He called later and said he was his brother and wanted to apologize and make restitution for the damage. Once in jail, he called his older daughter in another state and said when he got out he was going to kill me and then her mother. She called the district court comissioner and told them this and his bail was set so high there was no way he could make it.
Now he is out of jail. I signed my son's birth certificate and divorce papers the same time the day after the hospital incident. I am trying to move forward and just last night my hairdresser told me I am finally seeing like my old self again. It's hard and I sometimes miss the good times, but I know there was no other choice I could make. My ex has even became verbally abusive with his own attorney by phone and walked in demanding to see his attorney with no appointment. Ironically, he treats the women who represent him just like he did me and they are paid to put up with him.
Today my son is happy, healthy and thriving and I know he would not have been able to live in that situation.
What scares me is how some of the things he said and did are word for word what others have written on this board and most of the abuse occurred when we lived with my family. I cannot imagine what would have happened if we had moved out on our own sooner. I also understand how he affected all of us in the house as my family could not get me to see what was happening for 2 years, but they stood by me no matter what. Also I found out after I left he was mentioned before to have been bipolar and was supposed to get treatment, he didn't. He brutally beat his older ex girlfriend(pulled her out of a car by her hair and put her face thru a china cabinet glass front). He father was an abusive alcoholic and even once raped his mother(they divorced when he was not even a year old) and his maternal grandfather was also an abuser.
Well that's my story
-J