how am I suppose to heal?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
how am I suppose to heal?
5
Sat, 10-08-2011 - 9:15am
When I am still figuring out things he did? This one was an accident. I was talking to my boyfriend and something on his car that needs to be fixed and mentioned how the ex jacks once fixed a bad shock on my van when it hit me he probably broke it! My oldest and I have talked about this because she found it funny that I had to tie it up to keep it from dragging. I'm not sure if this is something that was dangerous but I was always worried he works do something to the van, he knew about cars but I thought he would go after the brakes. This happened over six years ago and I was pissed when I figured it out because I don't know if anyone could have got hurt and I had all four kids with me but I also had to let him fix it because I had no one else and no money but I am over it now. Just wonder what else he did that I don't realize he did and when I may figure it out. I can honestly say I hate him and hope he is suffering!!

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Registered: 01-04-2000
Sat, 10-08-2011 - 3:20pm

I had a similar moment today at the craft store. I took Lacie to get some lanyard stuff and was just walking through the isles. I remembered a minature beaded tree I had started about a year ago which misteriously dissappeared before I finished it. That memory took off to the thousands of other projects I would start and he would somehow hide, ruin, or "run out of money" so I could not complete them....the anger welled up unexpectedly...I was talking out loud to my daughter as I was going through this memory so I stopped looked at her and said "I am feeling really angry...I wonder why"...she laughed and said "I guess maybe you need to not come to the craft store any more because it makes you angry"

It is not the crafts that make me angry it is the memory of the unfinished dreams that will never be and the person to blame...I shall just keep working on new memories and dreams he cannot mess up for me ... sigh

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Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 12:19pm

Dwelling on the past doesn't help you to heal........it keeps you from healing!

Avatar for queen_brat
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-16-2011 - 10:03pm

Who said I was dwelling? I was having an innocent conversation about the broken part on someone else's car and started to tell him I didn't think it was hard to fix because my ex had when it hit me the jerk probably broke it in the first place. How is that dwelling on the past? When I first thought it yes I was upset because of what could have happened and how I didn't realize then he may have done it


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Avatar for queen_brat
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-16-2011 - 10:14pm

PS for me I work though things by talking about them to others that understand


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Avatar for cajunharmony
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Registered: 02-28-2001
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 12:49am

Fissatore, I don't see queen's post as "dwelling on the past" at all.

Mama Harmony