how can he be so cruel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2005
how can he be so cruel
4
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 8:55am

I have been living with my bf for 3 months now. We got into an argument on thursday over me saying that I never get time to myself. The only reason I made that comment was because his friend was over. He apparently didn't like that comment and started screaming that he was moving out. We fought all thursday night and friday morning. I called him on friday am and asked if we could talk and he kept saying we would talk later, which I thought was very unfair to me. Anyway, on my way home from work, he called me and would not accept me telling him that the comment was not directed towards him. When I got home I told him that I was going to dinner with 2 girlfriends. He started calling me a whore and an ingnorant bitch. he said "you're not dressed for a restaurant, your're dressed for a roll in the hay". At this point, I was hysterically crying because this man supposedly thinks the world of me. Anyway, I went to my girlfriend's house and we stayed there until 1:00 a.m. because I was so upset. We did not go the restaraunt because I was crying. When I got home, I went into the bathroom, brushed my teeth and washed my face. Then I went in the basement to get my favorite pj's out of the dryer. When I came upstairs, my bf started screaming that I was a whore and a cheater. he said that I was in the bathroom "cleaning up the evidence of the other man". he said that I lied to him because we didn't go to the restaraunt. then he went downstairs and went through my jeans and my underwear for evidence that I cheated. The next day it continued some more. He kept calling me names and then said that I betrayed him by talking to my friends about the situation. How did I betray him???? I needed a friend to talk to. He kept yelling at me and I was crying. So when he went into the other room, I called my friend. He heard, so he came in and screamed that he was going to call DYFS because I was crying and I asked my daughter to go into her room so she wouldn't see any of this. I asked my bf to move out. He said that since he has no place to go, then he has no intention of leaving. He said that he'll live there as my roommate, and that the only time it would be awkward is when he brings other women home.

I am so lost. This man thought the world of me before thursday. I never betrayed him or cheated on him. He wanted to marry me. We planned so much for the future. How can he be so cruel to me when all I wanted was some time to myself without his friend there. How is talking to a female friend a betrayal. He says that I never should have told anyone... that I made an a## out of myself. I'm so lost. He always said that he would do anything to make me happy. All he did this weekend was make me cry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 1:10pm

Oh sweetie!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 1:28pm
I don't think he thought the world of you before thursday. I think he was on his good behavior til he felt he had you hooked. Now the real person is coming out. He wants to control you, and going out with your friends is not something he will tolerate and he will go to any length necessary to put a stop to that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 1:37pm

I'am so sorry he has turned this into you being the bad guy. IMO, he will always do this, he won't be a 'normal' guy. (you know, the kind that won't hassle you because you want to go out with your girlfriends, a 'normal' guy would be happy for you, that you got to go out and visit). Your guy will always be suspicious when you go out without him, and do horrible things to try to prove himself right. There's so much I want to say, but I can't find the right words. He threated to call DYFS because you were crying and you wanted your daughter to go into her room, Next time let him call, don't let it bother you (he won't call, he is just trying to scare you, he's not 'normal')

"I am so lost. This man thought the world of me before thursday. I never betrayed him or cheated on him. He wanted to marry me. We planned so much for the future. How can he be so cruel to me when all I wanted was some time to myself without his friend there. How is talking to a female friend a betrayal. He says that I never should have told anyone... that I made an a## out of myself. I'm so lost. He always said that he would do anything to make me happy. All he did this weekend was make me cry."

He showed you what he is really like, he will always make you cry. IMO, you should break it off with him, before you get even more sucked in by his loving ways, it is a cycle, loving then nasty, then mean, then cruel, then loving then nasty..... Anyways, let him be a 'roommate' for a month (so he can find a place, untill he has a place, he won't go), then he has to go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 5:09pm
It sounds like he wants things on his terms and only his terms. Your emotions don't seem to matter to him. Why? I don't know... he sounds crazy. Controlling, paranoid, possesive. Instead of taking responsibility for his emotions, he seems to need you to justify how you *haven't cheated or lied* because he's insecure & worries that you have.