How can I do this

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
How can I do this
4
Sat, 07-16-2005 - 4:02pm
I left I got a protective order and then came home. I then found out the gun he pulled on me this time was a bb gun so I dropped the protective order and he is back. I just let him come back. I am not sure why I did this. The judge even said what if next time it is a real gun he has broken your finger and pulled a real run on you before but no stupid me dropped it. He has not hurt me since then. He has really made me feel bad for leaving in the first place like this was my fault. Then he writes me a letter telling me that he loves me and realizes that most of what is happening is his fault and he needs to change. He say's some of this is my fault though. I agree maybe I should not yell at him and nag as much as I do but if he would just simply do what I ask occasionally. For example we have been trying to watch a movie together for a week. Every night it is the same thing let me check my email and I will be in the bedroom in a few minutes. His few minutes turns out to be a few hours and about 1 am I get tired of waiting tell him goodnight and the arguing starts. He informs me I should stay off his back about it and just wait. Well I am tired at that time I want to go to sleep I have a 6 month old baby and 2 other kids who get up early and at that point I am already going to be exhausted the next day. I just want him to spend some quality time with me after the kids are in bed. Not even every night I would be happy with 3 times a week whether we watch tv a movie talk or god forbid some plain old love here. He makes me feel like I am not worth the time unless he is in the mood for sex. Forgit a movie or cuddling or sex when I am in the mood. AAAAHHHHHH I needed to scream about that sorry. I just don't get him what am I doing wrong I am trying to love him and be there for him but I don't get anything in return except when I gripe and then it is a yelling match. I am afraid I am going to make him mad at me and god know's I don't want that I don't want to be afraid for my life again. I don't want another broken bone or one day he does happen to have a real gun in the house again. The funny thing is when I filed a police report the sherriff said it was not domestic violence because we are not married. I am still divorcing my previous husband so reporting this as domestic abuse when he pulled the gun on me and threatened to kill me was grounds for me to be charged with bigamy. I have no help from the police here because he works with them as their wrecker driver and that makes me very angry. When that sherriff said that to me at the domestic violence shelter it was like a slap in the face. The counsler's could not believe he had the nerve to say that to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Sun, 07-17-2005 - 9:21am

"Domestic violence constitutes the willful intimidation, assault, battery, sexual assault or other abusive behavior perpetrated by one family member, household member, or intimate partner against another." Yes, what you are experiencing is domestic abuse.

You would only be considered a bigamist if you were actually married to both men at the same time.

You are in a very dangerous situation. Please read as much as you can here at the messageboard and check out the web site http://cl-wishful78.tripod.com/RDAHomePage.cfm. There is a lot of good information available here. Weekends seem to be much slower for replies, though, so hang in there. Monday is sure to bring you more help. Also, I noticed that you posted on the In the News section. Others might be missing your post, so you might want to try posting up in the General Discussions section.

Be safe!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Sun, 07-17-2005 - 10:54am

Like riot said, feel free to check out the board website, its located on the main page of the board or you can go to it directly by clicking on it in my sigline.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 2:46am

Oh - so much to say.


1st, why do you let him do this? B/c you are intimdated by him, & emotionally a prisoner. You were SO ON YOUR WAY, congrats for at least getting the RO, but i am too very disapointed that you let him back. I see in yoru profile you have 2 young kids, a baby & are disabled. Maybe this is what is making you afraid to be on your own? There is SO much help out there for women liek you who need it. Please done discount that. & as for the bigamy thing ... I am not sure whats going on there - but either way, you are IN DANGER ... please dont let yourself become a statistic .... who will your precious children be left with? Think about that - hard.


R~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 11:08am

I'm keeping this to just a couple of quick points, because I am so mad at these I could go on forever.

Making you stay up doing nothing and waiting for him, then keeping you from sleeping at 1 AM because he would rather argue? He is very deliberately torturing you.

"Bigamy" is being married to more than one person. Nothing more, nothing less. The sheriff deceived you and threatened you. He needs to be reported, if it is safe for you to do it. See to your safety first. Please take care of yourself and your kids right away. Threats with guns are every bit as serious as they sound. BB's to the head can be dangerous, even deadly.

Best of luck. Be safe.