how to cope..

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
how to cope..
11
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 11:39am

I have decided that I am going to take the next couple of months to get my finances in order and also take time to visit my folks who are out of the country. In the meantime, I am having serious heart palpitations..due to stress.

When I think of leaving, I feel I have not been able to do so due to the feeling of guilt inflicted by DD, finances etc. Atty had once told me say to your H upfront that things are not working out and lets decide the house separation and then leave once temporary orders are in place. Since he is a bully, he may try intimidation but then he can be asked to leave.

thinking about next steps..is making me anxious already..any ways to cope? I am taking it a day at a time..I really feel..I may have come to some terms about my own health...and have to make decision based on that. I can no longer be the 'sacrificing' person I have been. I feel I will have a heart attack. I can't sleep well..and it affects my work. thanks for letting me vent.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 2:09pm

"thinking about next steps..is making me anxious already..any ways to cope?"

I remember my stomach feeling like it had an ulcer just when he pulled in the driveway.

I started to take St. John's Wort daily.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 2:58pm

He's taking years off your life Winter.

sweets35
Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 6:38pm
Thanks to you both. Yes, I will try to push myself to think positive..I had a prescription of prozac..didn't do anything for me. So I stopped it. I dont think they work on situational depression. I have to just learn to cope the best I can by making a concrete plan and go with it this time. Maybe I will go ahead try a glass of wine now and then ;)
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 9:05pm

Nightangel
Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 11:25pm

Thanks nightangel, I think what you said is very powerful - your first priority is you. If I can't take care of myself, I can't take care of DD..I really have to take some time to unwind..whether he likes or not. Thinking of ways to do this. I think the rushing in to clean up, get dinner ready, everyday listening to his 'how I should have done this or that' is wearing me down.

I am so glad you were able to recognise and get out of your engagement. I read somewhere that we have the choice to live our life the way we want it to be. Life is too short otherwise.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Wed, 02-16-2011 - 2:01pm

Thanks Winter I really appreciated that.

Your husband just reminded me of my ex-husband...sounds just like him.

Nothing was ever "Good-enough"....kwim?

Da*med if you did or didn't.

I got so sick of it.

No matter what he would find fault.

Normally he did it behind closed doors but he slipped once in front of my g/f who could not believe what she saw and heard.

The "Anxiety" is "Soul-Destroying".

Ultimately he ended up having an affair, leaving me and our dd and ds, but we were so better off in the long run.

When I met my ex-fiancé I was fooled by him.

Sometimes we mistake controlling for caring.

I think we reach a point where we just can't take it anymore.

Recently there was a show on Dr. Phil about teens and violence.

One thing I loved about that show is Dr. Phil told this girl's ex b/f that she didn't have to "Explain" anything to him, call him or return calls or even answer her phone, door etc.

It was her choice, not his.

Empowering!

We feel so caught up in being the "Peace-maker", trying not to Rock the Boat or Make Waves that we begin to loose ourselves.

They keep trying to "Hook" us back in, but there comes a day where their power is no longer effective.

I hope you can get away and spend some time with your family.

They really don't like us having anyone in our lives but them.

One thing I have learned is that I am my own person.

I don't want to ever go down that path again.


Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Wed, 02-16-2011 - 2:34pm

Hi, Night Angel!

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Wed, 02-16-2011 - 3:11pm

Very Nice , geoteo!!

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Wed, 02-16-2011 - 6:09pm
I LIKE what you did, geo. Way cool.

Mama Harmony

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 12:41am

Awesome!

Thanks so much, I am honoured by this geoteo...

I love Poetry and do write, rather did write...

My Username is actually a title of a Poem I wrote a long time ago.

My ds said you are so very kind to have done this for me...I agree.

One of the things I have learned from All of this is that no one should have to be in or stay in an "Abusive" Relationship...

I am so glad I got out and stayed out...

They say that leaving is one of the "Hardest" things to do...

No Contact is not easy because usually they are so very desperate and know we are Vulnerable.

But we can do it!

<3

Nightangel

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