how to cope in future..

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
how to cope in future..
18
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 3:38pm

I have made some decision over weekend. While I know the best thing would have been to go through divorce, at this time, I seriously think I need to come back home for my D. I think staying away week at a time has been hard on everyone. She is fargile and has teenage issues. She is also (unfortunately) close to her dad so she is not going to choose me over him. Maybe I overreacted whenever he shouted and she had a showdown? OK - maybe I didnt overreact but what is going to change anyways? She still has to deal with him (alone) and will have to deal with him forever. As sweets35 had once said, it is the frequency of these events..If it is once a month as opposed to once every day/every few days. When does it make it worth it..or rather.when does the cons start to look worse than the pros. I dont know..maybe it is me. I found it difficult to stay away..on my own..and it is partly due to the fact that she was high strung. I know everyone will say.well she needed to be in therapy..and I should have had the gall to get out

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 4:34pm
"My therapist says to stop wasting my money and go back and live it out for 2 more years" -- Really? That is a very strange thing for a therapist to say IMO. I wish you the best of luck, but you have to make those decisions for yourself and do what you think is best for you.
Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 6:55pm

well..she wants me to make a decision and stick with it. But not sure if she could have done anything more..it is a barrier like you say, I have to cross myself. She tried those EFT techniques with me..but I think the bottom line is, at this time, I feel I dont have what it takes to go through with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 02-14-2012 - 5:34pm

I do understand what you are saying Winter.. Its like make some decision to stay or go and stop waffling.. When You waffle it makes things worse and it makes one more sick..Torments of

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Tue, 02-14-2012 - 6:35pm

yes, that is what my therapist says - MAKE a decision and stick with it, if at this point, you are not ready, it is what it is. She did say IF things escalate in future to the point of no return, take OFF immediately and this time get a hotel room or whatever. I still don't know what to do but I think I am at the point where I feel I waited this long and I need to see it through high school. As the issues i have now will not really go away..and it will take 1-2 years easy for it to settle. I really think I waited too long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 02-18-2012 - 9:29pm

I agree with the therapist.

sweets35
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 6:42am
If he's at work alot and she's at school and activities alot, seems like a large percentage of the time you should have peace. Why worry about it so much?

Your teen is acting out like the majority of teens. It's not you or your family situation. I know Pastor's kids that act out, drink and do drugs. You are placing too much of a guilt trip on yourself.
sweets35
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 10:18am

Sweets, I have to respectfully disagree.

Mama Harmony

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 1:03pm

I do not understand how anyone can think growing up around abuse has no effect on a child. And what happens if her husband snaps and goes after her? Why risk staying with an abuser when we all know that they can snap at any second? Up till the second mine tried to kill me I would have told you I was safer with him then I wasn't. I never thought he would try and kill me. Yes he had been physical in the past but he always stopped after one hit or shove. But that night I pushed to far, not saying it was my fault but I did want him to hit me and leave a mark so I could have of the abuse. Staying and thinking that way almost cost me my life and two of my children


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 6:49am

I just think it may be too late to change things now.

sweets35
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 7:10am

What I always sense in winter's posts is worry, guilt and sadness.

sweets35

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