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| Mon, 01-10-2005 - 1:35am |
a R.O. being served?
Here i am, unable to sleep AGIAN at 1am, b/c i am lying in bed worrying about the way this will all work.
The plan is when i do it (Feb? March at the latest, or sooner if needed) i will be planning a trip away w/ our dd, to my families 2 hours away, which isnt anything out of the ordinary. But this time i will take the animals w/ me ... he shouldnt know b/c he will be at work when i leave. One issue is i never know when he will get out of work. I am lucky if he works a 3-4 hours day, & some days at the last minute, he doesnt have to work at all (he works for a small business owned by 2 men, & its just him & the 2 of them so they close easily) so that doesnt leave much of a window, does it??? I dont want him served in our home, for fear he will trash or take stuff that he shouldnt. I WILL have anything i really cherish out & safe, jic (eg: photos, jewlery). (my stomach hurts just THINKING of all this!!!) Why cant it be EASY & me say "I want a divorce, please leave".
I guess i can sneakily have his clothes packed, right under his nose. I am quite disroganized w/ laundry & he is NO help, so it gets done & folded, but hardly ever put away. It will not be odd at all to have 3 or 4 laundry baskets of his clothes sitting there. Unfortunatly we dont have a garage ... but i was thinking i could leave his belongings outside in our fenced in back yard, if its good weather, that morning i leave. I woudl also leave anything of importance to him - but nothing of major value for fear of being accused of it being stolen or something. I will be happy to give him the rest of his stuff thru his brother after the fireworks burn out. I will have all the house keys & we will all leave once he leaves for work the day he is to be served. & i will be getting a new alarm system put in b4, so if he DOES break in while i am gone, he will be arressted. The plan would be to stay away, out of town, for at least the 1st few days for safety reasons, until he calms down. I dont yet know whether i will haev our dd in the Restraining order, i woudl like to *not* include her, but i WILL insist on only supervised visitation w/ her at that point for fear of abduction & what will certaintly happen, his attempt to tell her that "mommy kicked him out, he wont be able to see her anymore", "he wont have anywhere to live", "mommy is a liar", etc. I KNOW he will say these things if this happens, b/c he already tells her this MAY happen, in front of me. Imagine what he will say when furious, backed into a corner & having lost everything.
This just makes me so sick to think about. How has it come to this???? I had a long talk w/ my brother & SIL this past weekend, & told them more than i ever have b4 about the abuse. My brother is insistent that i DO file the restraining order, he said "I know you dont THINK he will hurt you, but who DOES do it? Unstable men on meds for Depression, who have lost everything & go out & get drunk & beat the crap out of, or worse, the women who they blame everything on". He also told me that "i woudlnt be suprised if i got that phone call one day that he beat you to within an inch of your life. I hope i am wrong, & you do know him better, but i dont think he will be able to stop himself, no matter how close he is to Averey & how much that will make him lose her all the more". Ugh. Scary. & then when i come back home, my brother will stay with me, then my Dad, then freinds, whoever i need ... for as long as i need. I want Averey back to her normal routine as quickly as possible, as long as it is safe - so hopefully we can come back w/in 3-4 days & he will be calmed down. I know he will be going NUTZ w/o contact w/ Averey. I want them to be able to see eachother - IF he can hold it together - for HER sake, not his. It will be a HUGE void in her life to just suddenly have him gone.
& what do i SAY to her? (she will be 5 in feb) If we do include her in the RO, she wont see him for at LEAST the 3 week waiting period. That will traumatize her, i know it will. They are very very close. I bought some kids books on divorce today (hidden well) for when the time comes. Just like when my mom died, i read her the appropriate books & they were a huge help in her understanding, & for me explaining. *IF* we do the RO w/ her, & it will be that long a time - i dont want to tell her right off that we are getting divorced. If i do that & she CANT see him, i think she will be very confused & it will be harmful to her psychologically having him out of her life & knwoing we are getting divorced. The one MAJOR thing i must convey to her is that even though Mommy & Daddy cant live together, she will still see us both when she wants, & she is still loved by us both. I do NOT want her to feel abanodoned by him, unless HE chooses to abanodon her. I dont want it due to my keeping her from him. I am willing to let him SHOW ME (or the person at the supervised visit) that he can see her & not do more harm. But ONE chance is all he will get, when the time is right. So ... if we do end up w/ her in teh RO, i almost want to tell her at 1st that Daddy is "away", or something. Then, once it is lifted, b4 seeing him, i will tell her what is happening. I want to protect her that way, but i also dont want to lie to her. She is a very astute smart kid for her age & it will be hard to pass anything by her. I need to do what i need to do to protect her physically & emotionally obviously, & i will. Do you think telling her he is "away" or "working" will end up biting me in the you-know-what? I just cnat see saying "Honey, Mommy & Daddy are getting divorced ... he doesnt live her anymore ... & NO, you cant see him for weeks". Does this make any sense?
& of course, all day he was totally loving & sweet w/ Ave (as usual), & totally normal & sane to me. But have no fear, he will remind me why i am doing this, soon enough.
Sorry so long, any opinions or ideas are greatly appreciated R~
| Mon, 01-10-2005 - 8:53am |
