how do i break it off?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2006
how do i break it off?
5
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 3:20am
My last message post explains most of my story so I will be brief. I have realized that I am in an unhealthy relationship. He is emotionally and verbally abusive and i am afraid it will escalate to more physical things. My only problem is that i have been with him for three years (since i was 16) and he has been treating me bad for about two of those years. I have become so used to it that i feel scared to leave him. We have broken up 3 times and evertime i give in to him. The last time he cut himself and made sure that i knew about it. I couldnt keep myself away from him when we broke up, he would cry, threaten to kill himself. anything to keep my in arms reach. How do i break it off? How do i stop myself from falling back into the cycle?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2006
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 5:22am
Hi hun, this is just further proof of his abusive nature. He is using these threats of harming himself to control you. That is what most abusers want - control over a person. Get out now - he will not really harm himself seriously - too much of a coward for that. I fell into same trap as you - feeling sorry for my guy, thought if I gave him love and understanding he would change. He never did and it got worse. The more often he was forgiven the more he thought he could get away with. After 30 years of mental and physical abuse I finally got the courage to leave him and my life is so much better. Take our advise - find someone who will respect you and allow you to be your own person.
Take care and be strong for yourself. Bev
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 4:41pm

All the other posters who have told you to get out now are right--there's no time like the present to seek your freedom. As to how you can go about it, remember this: he is going to make it all your fault; he is going to tell you you're the bad guy; he is going to beg, plead, cry, threaten to hurt himself, swear he'll never do it again, promise that he's come to his senses, and none of it is true.

Just focus on what you need FOR YOURSELF, and let the rest go by. Say, "This relationship isn't working for me. I need time to myself," and keep saying it. You can do it. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 11:46pm

The suicide thing is nothing new among abusers. I will tell you the story of mine, who used to like to threaten that one. One day, I snapped and said, "Fine. Do it!" That was six years ago, and the last DH and I heard, Loony was still alive and kicking.

It's just another tactic- don't let it stop you from doing what you need to do. I think a good place to start is by checking out our webpage, accessible through the link at the top of the start page. The emotional manipulators are tough to deal with, but it CAN be done!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2006
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 6:26am
so i broke it off two nights ago :( it was so hard and now its starting to really hit him. He keeps crying and telling me things to make me regret breaking up with him like "i was going to ask u to marry me" and "now we cant move out together" i know its going to be hard but im going to try and be strong so that i dont fall into the same cycle again. Thanks to everyone that helped me realize that i was in an unhealthy relationship. wish me luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 10:17am
Good grief, why would you want to be MARRIED to him? He is just trying to manipulate you and make you feel guilty and sorry for him. Never get involved with a man you feel sorry for--that's no basis for building a future.