How do you know a new guy is ok??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
How do you know a new guy is ok??
2
Sun, 08-01-2004 - 8:30pm
I have been doing the online dating thing for a few months. Met a few people but nothing serious.... a few I knew were no good for me and I was able to say that!! :)

Another is a really good guy but we are just friends. No real attraction.

BUT... I have been chatting with one guy for a couple of months. He is a single Dad with full custody of his two kids. His ex has been and is now in an abusive relationship. They split when he found drugs in the house. He has been soooo supportive of me. Never pushing me into a relationship, just the opposite. He tells me to take time for me and swear off men for at least 6 months. He does not want to meet me yet for two reasons. #1: his kids. He is concerned for them since they have been through so much emotionally w/ their mother.

#2: He is concerned that I am not ready to be involved with anyone and giving me space to heal. He is probably right about that one. It has only been 4 months that I have been separated.

My question: how do I know he is ok. He is so supportive and just always there to listen to me whenever I need a friend.

If I do have a date he asks how it went and if I had a good time. Never jealous, never critical of the fact that I went out. He says that he just wants me to be happy with whoever that will be. If I get married again he says just invite him to the wedding.

Can he be for real???

He has downfalls of course. He is not well off financially. Not well educated. But just seems like such a genuine, honest, nice human being. He was in the military for 8 years. Now is on disability due to an injury. They may put him out permanently.

I am so scared he'll be the abuser who supports an abusive woman out of a relationship then becomes abusive himself!! How do you know???

Every other person that I have picked up even the smallest clue that they don't respect women or will not give me my space I have said adios to. I am not picking that up with him. I keep looking for signs but nothing!

Help!! Anyone have any suggestions, stories or opinions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 2:42pm

Joshu, if you're that worried, maybe you should just keep things on the platonic side for the time being.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 5:53pm
Yeah, I know I am really not ready for anything....especially nothing serious. This is one lesson I have learned already. I actually do not want anyone in my life that expects anything from me. I feel most of my time needs to be spent on me, doing the things I want to do and need to do. I was just in such a hurry... I felt my biological clock ticking away! I am only 33 so I guess it is not ticking that fast!

I have met several people who want too much way too quick and it immediately turns me off. Even if they only want a friendship, they have expected way too much time and energy from me. I have been really good about saying to them that this in not what I want nor need in my life now. That makes me feel so good to be able to say and set those limits.

I am canceling my online dating memberships so that I can get rid of that distraction.

Thank you!!