how do you put your life back together..
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|Mon, 03-21-2011 - 11:29am|
Starting a new thread..First of all, thanks cl_queen and all for writing. I do realise for me to take ANY action I need to get stronger so that I can do things with clear head. I do agree that I tend to over analyse and think and at the end, that typically keeps me in the same state I was. My therapist says the longer one stays with abuse, the harder it is to think clearly because your self esteem is shattered. So I am starting this thread for ideas on how to get mentally stronger so that one can leave and when they leave, they can stay away. Here is what I came up with
- journalize every negative behavior so that when the 'good' comes and I second guess, I can look at my list.
-write down my fears and how to counter them
- start doing things that I want to do, set up time for myself, see how he reacts
- connect with friends and family whether he blows up or not
The thought behind the last 2 points is , the more he yells or gets irritated, the easier will it be to take that step.
anything else? I think if he had fits of rages and viloence, maybe it would have been easier to leave. Anyway, I feel it is easier to tell people to just leave, but I think the inherent part is low self esteem, mentally beaten down, low confidence, dependency, fear of custody, fear of finances, effect on kids..we have to first address each and every fear and bring up the self esteem so that women will take the step that needs to be taken.
Also cl_queen and freeatlast (thanks for your post) are right. If today DD were to come and tell me -let's go, I think I will have NO hesitation what so ever. It is when she comes up with her rants, I have backed down like any other mom would. My lawyer says - get an agreement going first ..but I can't even talk back at him..how can I ask for agreement. I feel I am in vicious cycle. Maybe the root of it is I need to get mentally strong first, write down my fears.