HOW DOES THIS SOUND TO U?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2003
HOW DOES THIS SOUND TO U?
4
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 9:59am
have been with someone since March of this year. We have had a rocky relationship so far but I do love him alot. He does not trust me at all because at the beginning of our realtionship he was fighting with me and broke up with me I went out with some friends and then later that evening one of my guy friends that I used to date stopped by. My boyfriend who just broke up with me kept calling my phone and then just stoped by unannounced and saw my guy friend at my house. He got very upset because he did not like this guy and especially because he was at my house even though we were just sitting there doing nothing when he walked in. Actually we were talking about him. We decided to get back together and work on things though. Every since then he think I am sneaky and cheating on him. He wants me to always answer my cell phone when he calls and if I dont he gets very angry and breaks up with me because he is always assuming I am cheating on him or being sneaky. I dont really go out much anymore and I have been trying to gain his trust back but I do not know what else to do. I have been trying to reassure him that I love him and that I do not want anyone else but I just dont know anymore. For the last 3 monthes I have been on eggshells with him with what I say and do. I really hurt him he said and he does not trust me and think I am a liar. Yesterday he came over after I was done work. He left and went to his sisters up the street from my house for dinner and I stayed at home with my son. I figured he would be right back so I did not keep my cell phone near by me. I was doing dishes, took out the trash, took some beach stuff I had outside and put it in the garage, got my son ready for bed then I went into the extra bedroom to watch tv. He came back an hour or two later and came upstairs asking why I did not answer my phone. I honostly did not hear it ringing he must have called while I was out side putting the trash out. I sayed no u did not I went down stair and saw he called. I asked why did he not call the house phone he said he did I looked and he did. I told him what I was doing (outside with trash and beach stuff) and he did not believe me. He told me I was lying and I must have been on the phone with someone or do something that I should not have been doing. He kept saying for me just to tell him what i was doing n he would not be mad and he would stay. I told him that I was not lying and that I have been stressed out about work, home, and everything with him lately. He told me he was leaving and until I was ready to tell him what I was really doing we are broken up. He left and we talked to about 2:30 in the morning and all he kept saying was that I am lying and to just tell him the truth about things. What do I do. I love him so much and do not want to lose him but I dont know what to do. He has no trust in me. He is with me everynite(stays overnite) and when I am off work. What do I say to him? I dont know what he wants to hear from me or wants me to say. What do I do? Should I make something up? What do I do? How do I get his trust bavk?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 11:08am
Your story sounds so familar. He acts just like my husband does. No matter what I tell him, even if it is the truth, he doesnt believe me. Dont make anything up just to make him happy. If he doesnt believe you when you tell him the truth what makes you think he's going to believe something you make up. If he doesnt trust you know it will be very hard to get him to trust you. I have been working for years to get my husband to trust me and I never gave him a reason not to trust me. If he really loved you then he would trust you. You cant have love without trust. If he's acting like this now and you havent been dating that long, then I would tell him that if he cant truely trust you, then the relationship is over. And stick to that. My husband gave so many of the signs of being controling/emotionally abusive when we were dating that I wish I would have listened to those then. Instead 9 years later, he's sucked me in so far, I've lost who I am, lost friends, and I dont know how to get out. Best of luck to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 11:20am
If he doesn't trust you in this early stage of your relationship, he NEVER will. There is nothing you can do to earn his trust.....NOTHING. I know, I've been trying for 4 years with someone just like him. Even if you truly love him, he doesn't love you like you deserve to be loved. Are you willing to settle for that? You might be today because your love is so strong, but what about in a couple of years? Sometimes logic should overrule the heart, especially when in the long run you will probably end up heartbroken anyway. You didn't do anything wrong anyway you know, so you shouldn't have to earn his trust back. Read some of the posts and go to some of the links here, hopefully you will gain some insight. My hope for you is that you can get out of this relationship before you have any more heartache. Be strong. Be selfish. Think of yourself and what you want your future to be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 11:36am

I agree with the other two on this one.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 2:59pm

Honey, you need to ask yourself if you want to put up with this again.

CL-Blueliner4