I posted on here last week about my anger.
I think you have gotten a ton of advice from the boards and alot of it was to go and see a counselor and 2ndlife also gave you some things to read. have you read them?? Did you find a counselor??
I dont want to sound mean or anything but you are still sounding like a victim..and it appears that you want to stay there. When I read your posts it sounds like you are stuck in victim mode and that doesnt sound right to me.. Do you feel more comfortable in this mode??
Your stuck because your letting yourself be stuck. You haven't found out how to over come the anger. Only you can figure that out. We can't tell you how to do it because what worked for us may not work for you. I think you also have to realize your more angry with yourself then you are with him. You are the one who stayed and put up with it. Your the one who now feels you shouldn't have put up with it for as long as you did. You have to forgive yourself, OK so maybe I was wrong and we can tell you how to do it sorry. You have to remember your only human and make mistakes. You are not the same person now that you were when with him. Also forget trying to figure out why you stayed with him. It in the long run it really doesn't matter. I have all kinds of excuses on why I stayed and I really am not sure why I stayed and my excuses are good ones just now after I have been out they sound like excuses. In reality they are not excuses but sound that way to me and when I think about them I get angry with myself. Oh I hate him with every fiber of my being and I get angry at him at times still but I am more angry at myself and that doesn't help. But realizing
PS forgot to mention the most important thing. Who are you trying to forgive? Please tell me it is not him. He doesn't deserve your forgiveness. I know most think you have to forgive him to heal but I am not one of those. I will never ever forgive that jerk