how to leave?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2005
how to leave?
4
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 5:49pm
I hope I am on the right board.........I am currently married to a man who is an alcoholic and can be very mentally abusive. He at one minute will be nice to me, then the next call me every name in the book. I am at the point that I just can't take it any longer and want to leave him, but am afraid. Not that he will do anything physical to me, but I don't think that I can deal w/ the mental abuse that he will put me through. Not to disclose too much, but I can't leave the house - and I know that he won't. My best friend asked me how long I was going to stay with this man and be unhappy? I don't know. I can't even say that I love him any more. I have tried - believe me, I have. I have been to counseling and asked him to go but he won't. Where do I go from here? I just want to be happy and I don't think that I ever will with him. I never know who or what to expect when I go home every day. When he's nice, he's nice. But when he's an a**, he's a total a**!!! Has anyone ever been through this? I just don't have the strength any more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
In reply to: gal_sunbear
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 10:09pm

Darling, welcome to the board. Yes, we have all been through similar situations and have felt the pain you are feeling. Remember, you are not alone. Stay around this board and it will help you immensely, I promise. I left my abuser of 6 years 4 months ago and it was the best thing I ever did.

Sweetie, there's an article you should read. Go to www.drjoecarver.com and click on 'articles' and then "Identifying losers in relationships." You'll think he was looking through your window. In that article he identifies common abuser tactics, and also mentions ways to leave with less disruption. It worked for me!

I was attacked verbally, emotionally and physically on numerous occasions. By the end, I felt so weak I could hardly remember the woman I used to be. But when I got the strength and left, my life has turned around in a way that I have only dreamed of.

Keep posting sweetie. Feel free to vent. We're here to listen.

Hugs,
Shawna
Age 25

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
In reply to: gal_sunbear
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 9:32am

Welcome, gal.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2005
In reply to: gal_sunbear
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 10:58am
thank you for the words of advice and the welcome. I do have places that I can go - and we dont have kids at home any more - thankfully. I just will not leave the house as it's in my name and I dont have the money to pay the mortgage AND a rent as well anyway. (I know that HE wouldn't pay the mortgage if he was there himself - he wouldn't care) The verbal abuse and life at home is HELL when we are just 'normally' fighting. I could only imagine how much worse it would be if I told it was over and I didn't love him any more. Even when we're fighting and I sleep on the couch or one of the other rooms, he freaks. He gets mad at me for the dumbest reasons and I just can't take the mood swings. Which I know are a part of the alcoholism. I've asked to go to counseling but they have told us that nothing will change if he doesn't get help with the drinking. And that will not happen. He is such a negative person and self-centered ..... I just can't take it any longer but don't have the energy to leave. :(
Thanks for listening.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
In reply to: gal_sunbear
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 12:05pm

Wow.