How Many Are Still In Love?

Avatar for mom2dylan2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
How Many Are Still In Love?
12
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 4:51pm

I'm curious as to the following:

Who is still with their abusive H/SO and is still in love with them?

Of those who finally found the strength to get out, were you still in love when you left?

I'm still with H and have not been in love with him for sure for about 5 years. I really started falling out of love with him after our first child was born. It has taken me this long to realize the way he has treated me is abusive and not my fault. Meanwhile we have DS and DD which is what has made it so difficult to leave, but, I'm slowly gaining the strength to do just that. If I were still in love with him I don't know if I'd be at the point where I'm finally seeing that the way he acts is unnacceptable. It's hard to admit that.

I really feel for all of you who ARE still in love. I think it makes it 100x harder to find the will to leave.

Just looking for some thoughts on this. Thanks ladies!

Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 4:15pm
Sorry for chiming in late... I just got in from work.
I am not in love with my H anymore either.I don't know when I fell out of love with him exactly,but I know it was long ago.I also don't think I EVER really "liked" him as a person.Isn't that silly? I sensed all along that he wasn't a good person, yet I went right along with it.I've always thought of myself as an intelligent person,but sometimes I have to wonder ...LOL Anyways,I agree that being in love with someone makes it that much harder to leave.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 4:34pm

Here's a scary thought.... I could easily fall back in love with my abuser. I've been thinking about this lately, that there are so many things about him that made the fit "perfect". BUT then I remind myself, he is a manipulator. And the things I thought that made him my perfect fit was a fraud and a lie. The only thing he didn't lie about was his looks. And looks alone DO NOT make a healthy relationship.

That's still scary though, because I wonder if the next person I'm with will look like my stbx. For me, I'm glad that I just don't have to see him. Those puppy dog eyes... that fake look of I'm sorry, might just mess with my head again. And right now, I don't have to hear his voice either... Because that might remind me of the lies. His voice might remind me of the fantasy I hoped for when we got married.

When I start thinking those thoughts, I try to remember the evil look he gave me... the accusation and anger in his voice. Those memories where the real him and the person I'm very glad to be free from... Thank you God.

So to answer you're question. Yes, I was in love with my abuser when I left him. It is only by the grace of God and strength of God that kept me safe. And got me free from my abuser. The pain of staying, the possible cost of losing my children, far surpassed the glimmer of hope still left in my heart, or the need to be loved by someone who was SUPPOSE to love and protect me. I let it all go. I jumped and Jesus caught me.

I forgive my abuser once again. And I thank Jesus for setting me free.

Love,
Loonybunny

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