How to say "No Sex" *again*?

Avatar for phoenixangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
How to say "No Sex" *again*?
1
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 12:52pm

Long story short, no sex since around Xmastime (Dec 2005) (and let me tell you how fun THAT is :P ): I can't get with this man. He's not nice to me, I don't like him, why in heaven's name would I want to get intimate with him??? Not about "using" sex, it's just the idea just plain turns me OFF.

But he still seems to have some idea that there's a chance in H-E-double-hockey-sticks, so he actually noogies up to me, acts all puppy-eyed -- yeah-right, like that's gonna make me forget that a few hours ago you were yelling at me over some absurdly petty matter??? DUHHH! And then of course I get the Big I'm-A-Martyr/You're-A-Frigid-B**** Act when I move away or otherwise extricate myself.

There was a while there where I just caved-in because **I** wanted to get laid (pardon my french ladies, but I think we've all been to the rodeo, so...), but frankly it wasn't that great to have to get half-tanked-up so I wouldn't think about him being there -- an alcoholic version of "Close your eyes and think of England," lol It was just wrong and eventually it made my skin crawl so enough is enough.

What I could use from yall is a decent "script" -- he's actually been told every bit of the above in one form or another, but it just ain't stickin' -- he of COURSE won't accept it.

So do you guys have any ideas of what to say when he does the old sidle-up? I'm thinking "EWWWW" (which is basically all I can think) just isn't it. Honestly, I really don't want to hurt the guy or emasculate him, not just because then his position WOULD be correct, but because I don't play that way; I don't want to stoop if I can help it. I need a way to say "no" that maybe explains my position better, or just gets through...

He's still playing the "make-it-right" game, which from experience is probably BS that will come to nothing (it ain't workin so far, as far as I'm concerned, but I hafta keep my head down and hold it together while I get my ducks lined-up), so I have little doubt he'll try again at some point before this all gets done...

2cents? and Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 8:58pm
well im not sure i can give advice on what to say but i've been there...the last 5-6 months of my relationship with my H, he would try to have sex ALL the time...like we'd fight and hed push me around, then id go upstairs to go to bed and hed come up after like 2 hours and try to have sex...and basically I'd say, "just remember, even tho its you with me, it wont be you in my mind"...that woul dusually turn him off or make him mad but at least i didnt have to touch him( i agree its like, skin crawling EWWWWW)..Sometimes I just gave in and laid there but usually he got the point that I didnt want to do it...Or he'd say "hey dont be such a dead beat" and id just shrug and look away and tell him to continue...great mood breaker :)...But as for how to get it across to him , I doubt you can...unfortunately men think with that part of their body and they cant see past their being horny to see how ludicrous it is to "make love" with someone who treats u like dirt...i found just bein detached and not responding or moving really made him mad and hed either give up and not do it or hed start then realize its no fun with someon ejust laying there..