How to tell him I need space
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| Thu, 11-10-2005 - 12:40pm |
He came over the other night and brought me a card, has been doing stuff around the house he bought me a necklace and we are falling back into the honeymoon stage. I was all set to break the cycle but I find myself falling back in. I tell him that I have been having panic attacks and am still not comfortable having him around. I try to put on a good face but after a couple of days and i just want him to go away and leave me alone. Has he done anything wrong? No, but I am still mad and a part of me wants to stay mad. My problemis that i do not want him to feel bad and I know that he feels beter when he is around the house. The problem is that it does not make me feel better.
I want to ask him to go home but I don't want it to be a huge fight. Any sugestions?

I don't know your situation, but why not try this:
Whatever negative stuff he's spewed your way in the way of criticisms, complaints, putdowns, insults and the like, feed it all back to him by telling him that you can't be the woman he wants or needs you to be (this is another version of "It's not you, it's me.") Abusers want perfection and they're never satisfied, no matter how much their partner tries to change to please them or meet their demands.
Tell him you give up and wave the white flag. Tell him that you really do want him to be happy in life and that there's someone else out there who can be all he wants and needs in a woman and who can truly make him happy. (Blech!)
Don't know if he'll buy it, but it may be worth a try!
All the best,
Heymum
I am starting to think that I will never be right in his eyes. I tell him that I would like to be alone tonight and he tells me that I am not thinking about him. That I don't understand what he is going through and am only thinking about myself (I'mthinking if I don't think about myself who is). When I tell him that I knew it was going to hurt him and that i really didn't want to do that but I felt that I needed one evening to take care of myself. He tells me that he understands and that he is tired of not knowing what is going to happen next and maybe he should just give up. It goes on that way until I am crying and feeling like crap and he sarcastically tells me to have a good night alone. Now I am sitting here thinking that i am once again in the wrong. Calss ic textbook abuser tactics and I fall for it every time.
He dosen't understand that thing are not going to fix themselves overnight. He goes to court on the 22nd and he might be going to jail. Another guilt that I have to deal with.
Thanks for listening
Someone tell me it gets better.
Oh, my gosh, hon, that is too much!