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| Thu, 06-10-2004 - 7:06am |
So - my question is this. I feel that I need to take responsibility for MY feelings and tell him that I'm not happy in this relationship - I don't have to explain why - that is how I feel - but I do believe that I should tell him my feelings.
That is going to be a rejection of him, obviously any person - emotionally healthy or not - has a certain degree of problems with rejection. I know that I am a people pleaser, I know that I have a hard time when people reject me - that is why I am having such a hard time telling him. I know it will, in his own way, warped as it may be, will hurt.
I have to be strong enough, confident enough in MY feelings. I have to stand my ground (is this a boundary???) and not waiver because I feel sorry for him. Feeling sorry for him is much different from loving someone. I realize now, that feeling sorry and pitying him are the feelings that I have for him. I, for one, know that I wouldn't want someone to stay with me because they felt sorry for me, or pitied me, or were afraid of hurting my feelings.
You know, I just realized this, I've noticed that my family (mom/dad when they were alive, and siblings even still at times) all seem to be overly cautious with MY feelings. THEY have made the decision that they need to be gentle towards me with things that I may or may not like or agree with. THAT has always bothered me. THAT is them assuming to KNOW what I AM FEELING. And because I've lived my entire life with others ASSUMING (and we all know what it does when you assume - makes an a$$ out of u and me) they KNOW what I am FEELING which takes away MY responsibility for MY feelings.
Mmmmh. That train of thought - well it needs some more thought. It may be why I have such a difficult time with MY feelings!!! I don't know what they are because EVERYONE else around me has decided what MY feelings have been. Well, it is time for ME to decide and stand up for (notice I didn't say defend) MY feelings. Take responsibilty for ME and what I FEEL!!
Any of YOUR thoughts are welcome and appreciated here. I do need help in choosing the words to say to him. The jist of what I want to say is that I'm unhappy, and I don't want to be unhappy any more. I would like to say that I don't love him, that I, notice "I", feel for him. That "I" am saddened because I know (or do I assume to know?) that he will be hurt by what "I" feel, but "I" must now do what will make me happy. Oh, hey, am I on the edge of being more concerned with how "I" feel than how he feels? Has it really taken me almost 2 years to GET IT?????
hugs,
Pam

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You are oh so right!!! They miss the happy, little content lives they lived that we provided for them at the sake of our happiness. Things ARE so clearly now. They are sooooooo selfish!
Happy!
I handled my situation in a way that worked well for me.
Peace and hugs,
Cheryl =)
The minute you settle for less than you
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