I almost died

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2005
I almost died
13
Sun, 05-15-2005 - 3:44pm

1-01-05 was the most violent day in my life. My husband almost killed me. My call to 911 brought sheriff deputies, however they focused on some self inflicted wounds to my husband's hand rather then on my injuries and needs. They didn't even concidr that I had placed the call.

My husband scratched his own hand and reported to the deputies I had scratched him. I believe it was to get me not to press charges. The deputies tried 4 times to get me not to press charges because he had agreed to just go to his mom's house. When I refused because he had attacked me and I need protection I was also arrested. I never even had a chance to protect myself against my husband's bruital attack nor to protect my self or my rights against a small town sheriff's department. They did a dual arrest. He spent less then 24 hrs in jail I spent 1 week. I had no family in the area to help me; he had his mom. My life has been devasted by the attack, his lies and the actions of the sheriff's department. When my family finally got to me after coming from out of state I had to flee for my home. Because of the legal matter after 2 months I had to return to the area where this attack took place. For my safety I now have to live in shelters.

I finally got a Protective Order against him 2 weeks ago after months of trying and waiting. I am physically damaged, emotionally devasted, spiritually broken, financial destroyed, lost everything I owned and worst of all live in fear of not only my husband and his family but also this town's law enforcement.

At the time of the arrest I was not read my right's by the deputies nor offered medical assistance. I have read their report and it does not reflect this. As a matter of fact the officers stated they did offer medical help. They treated me like I was some piece of low class trash. I was not and am not. I don't understand how something so wrong could have taken place.

I suffered cracked ribs, deep tissuse bruising, all over body cuts, strangle marks, swelling and bruising to my eyes related to his choking me which began manifesting with in first few days after the assualt while i was in jail. No assistance or concern was shown to me. The emotional damage seems to continuely haunt me. I am also very disabled and was forced to endure horrific sleeping and living conditions.

It is going to take my body a long time to heal. I still have nightmatres and triggers. It I guess is going to take even longer for me to feel safe again. My husband premeditated this attack and there is proof but not even my court appointed attorney is willing to presue this information. Basically I have be asked what am I willing to do to make this go away. Wonder what they would have reported had my husband been successful at killing me. By the way this was his third attempt and I have witnesses but again no one in this town is willing to investigate.

Just need lots prayers, support and insight. Wonder if anyone else has been through this? Wonder how poor police work can be allowed to happen in such a dangerious situtation? What if I had been their sister, mother, aunt, friend, fellow church member would that have been the only way I would have been protected. There is more to my story and it's not good. It is terrifying. Thanks

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
In reply to: winyan2005
Sun, 05-15-2005 - 4:10pm

Welcome to the board winyan,


I am so sorry to hear about your situation and you are most definitely in my thoughts and prayers.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
In reply to: winyan2005
Sun, 05-15-2005 - 5:18pm

What does your husband do for a living? He sounds like he has all his cop buddies behind him. Is he a police officer?

I've been in your shoes. My ex is a well known person in the community. He works with the sheriff's deputies on a daily basis. When I would call 911, the cops would come out, and always be on his side. It's a scary feeling knowing you can't even call the police.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
In reply to: winyan2005
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 9:10am

I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that. It just doesn't make any sense that this can still happen in America, yet it does, over & over. You're not alone. This board is a great place for support & info.

Please do get counseling, and I hope you can find some way to leave that town. It doesn't sound like a healthy place to be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
In reply to: winyan2005
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 9:10am

Hi Winyan...I am so sorry that this happened to you! I was attacked by my husband on July 28, 2001 and he too, inflicted scratches on himself and told me that if I didn't tell the police that I attacked him, he would leave me and take my dd and I would never see her again. I was frightened because I knew he would do it so I told the police I attacked him...I was the one that called them because he choked me and swore he was going to kill me. I was arrested and spent 36 hrs. in jail. I was released on a personal recognisance bond as I had never been in trouble with the law before.

That Monday, less than 24 hours after being released from jail, I was in court. Colorado has a law that they call the fast track law. Basically, if you plead guilty, you do 36 hrs. of DV classes and 24 hrs. alcohol classes, so I did. The clincher is the ADA plea bargained my case with my H and to this day has never spoken to me as to what really happened. I was unable to complete these classes as my dad died and I became very ill with perforated intestines. The Judge didn't care and sentenced me to 180 days in jail in Nov. 2003.

My Mom and I hired a defense atty. to appeal my case which just got turned down last month. I will stand in front of this judge tomorrow and possibly start my jail sentence. Since all of this has happened, I have divorced this abusive man and I have full custody of my dd because he is neglegent and abusive to her as well. My defense atty., my divorce atty., and the GAL assigned to my custody case, will all stand next to me tomorrow and beg the judge not to incarcerate me. I hope that this judge has a heart. I only know that this man is as abusive and hateful as my X is and I will probably be separated from my dd for six months, which will be emotionally detrimental to her.

Well that is the short version of my story. All I can say to you is, DO NOT plead guilty to something you did not do. Since you were the victim, you need to stand up and make it clear to the courts that he is the attacker and you were only defending yourself. DO NOT let the prosecutor in your case scare you into doing something you know you aren't guilty of.

Good luck Hon, and God Bless you!

Melanie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2005
In reply to: winyan2005
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 9:19am

I am getting counseling. I also am working a Doestic Violence 12 step program. It is just going to take time to heal. It's scary being back in the same area but I am very careful. Since I am disabled I can't work so I don't have to go out in public to often. My husband is not a cop but he and his family are long life residents here. They have some connections legally. As for the sheriff's department I have learned they have done this to other women too. Doestic Violence training is not a priority here.

I moved here because of my husband. This was my first experience in a small town. This is my first traumatic experience with law enforcement. Unfortunatly, I have to remain here until the legal issuses are resolved.

It's weird to not trust law enforcement. Before this I never had a problem like this. As a matter of fact, years ago I even did volunteer work at a Police Outreach Center (in larger city of course). The police I got to know where very community minded. They worked hard to establish good community relations. They were professional. Guess that makes a big difference.

I just pray one day I wont freeze in fear everytime I see a police car.For now I can't even watch cops shows on TV. Everytime I am out and I happen to hear a siren or see flashing lights I have an anxiety attack.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2005
In reply to: winyan2005
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 3:01pm
Thank you for the insight. Thank God I am getting some help like for example I am going to counseling. I am also right now going to visit the site you suggested. Thank You.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2005
In reply to: winyan2005
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 10:52am

Wow.It breaks my heart to hear what you've been through. I pray that things will work out for you. I can only imagine what all you have been through. I also, believe I have finally figured out of court systems are not about justice. No they are only about a process.

My faith in the law enforcement and the legal system before this happened to me is no where the same as it is now. Not only did my husband severely attack me, hurt me, frieghten and abused me but so did the small town poorly trained law enforcement officers and jail deputies, and medical staffing. They all stole my safety and my dignity.

In jail it continued. I wish there was a way to expose what happened to me so that in the future no one male or female would be subject what I was forced to go through. I pray that the educated and dedicated law enforcement officers across this country would work with in the departments they serve to correct the mis-handling of Domestic Violence calls.

False repoting to cover up ignorance and mistakes can cause life long damage beyond the assault. It also effects not just the victim but family, friends, community, future victims, society as a whole. Maybe I am too naive but I not to long ago believed that when an officer put on a badge it was done with honor and a promise. Now I don't feel that way. I guess because here where I live there are too many mistakes made in this sheriff's department. Because I am learning from others and support systems for others that what happened to me is not sure surprising (?).

Simple lie detector testing would proof or at least raise clouds of doubt as to what all I have been through starting with the attack, arrest, jailing, stay in jail and release. This testing would expose my lieing huband and the arresting officers. How can things change in this little town if the powers that be aren't willing to investigate. Why can't what happened to me be used as a learning lesson and a spring board to motivate this sheriff department be better trained responding officers?

Winyan

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
In reply to: winyan2005
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 11:22am
I have lost all respect for police officers as well. There are some good ones out there, but as a whole I think they are just earning themselves a bad name. Take for instance the deputy that handcuffed a 5 yr old girl recently. Or the case where a man called the police after his house got broken into, and the cops ending up shooting this poor guy's dog. The numerous police brutality cases. I would say alot of officers out there are control freaks, on and off the job. Look how many cases you hear about, police officers beating up their wives. These guys got the good ol' boy mentality, and they all cover up for each other.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: winyan2005
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 2:36pm

Hi all -


This is a very serious problem, one we often see here in various forms, be it that the cops don't listen to us, or they're the ones being abusive.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
In reply to: winyan2005
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 3:32pm
Per your permission, I am going to add this link to the website.

Faith without works is dead.

5yrssm 

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