I am fighting ..but I think he might win

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
I am fighting ..but I think he might win
3
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 9:55pm

so stbx found out that I went out last weekend( for the first time in SEVEN years ,and he called 47 times while I was out ...until about 3 am I got calls and texts...

today he came to pick up the kids( it was his weekend ),and I was getting dressd to go to see my little sister in her pageant...I didnt speak nor look at him ...he comes in and says "you look really hot,I guess you have a date ."I said NO ..and told him where I was going ...

He says "whos going with you ?...who are you meeting there? etc...

then he says that he will not keep the kids anymore at all ,to keep me from going out ...bc if I alwasy have them then I cant go anywhere"

I said well I will just hire a sitter...he jumps up right in my face ,and says "I dare yo u,I will knock your damn head off"

HOW can I NOT let him control me on this ???/he is right ...I cant win this .I cant makr him keep the kids ...

Even though he tells me its not my fault... I cant help but feel it is in some way ,...he did tell me he needed me to do more, and that he wasnt feeling connected to me because of the distance ...But he really didnt give me a c

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 12:26pm

Love, this is EXACTLY what my H did do me while we were separated.It sounds like he's really gotten to you, I hear the despair in your post.I've BTDT. Please don't give up, or give in.He is using the children to get to you, and its so typical.It would help you so much to proceed with a custody hearing.If he truly doesn't want to take the children then it will come out here.Fine,he doesn't want them, you get a sitter when you need time to yourself.Who the hell is he to tell you otherwise?
He knows how to play you.Don't go for it.I still urge you to get a restraining order or Protective order. This man is walking all over you,and he's getting away with it.Put your foot down now Love,or it's just going to continue.Be strong and hang in there!

Serenity

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 8:11pm

Hon, I really think the best way to make him stop harrassing and controlling you is to hit him with agressive legal action.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 8:38am

Hi Love,

I concur with the responses given. You DO NOT owe him an explanation. Also, IMO, he shouldn't be coming in the house to pick up the children. He can wait at the door or if the children are old enough.... he can wait in the car. Another idea to avoid contact during visitations... have you thought of meeting in a neutral location (family member or friends house, McDonald's, or the Mall). Just some ideas to think about.

Also, girl, you deserve a night out. He may never think so, but it's true. And if he won't watch the children, then certainly you can get a baby sitter. He has NO RIGHT to call you all night. In fact, in my state if a person calls more than 3-4 times in an hour that's called harrasment. And I believe you can press charges. Record the messages or have a friend record them on a mini cassette recorder. Keep it for your records, for evidence if/when needed. That's what I did when my stbx wouldn't stop calling and left message after message. I called the police, they came out and took a report. Since my stbx is on probation, the officer told me to follow up with the prosecutor in the case...long story short, the endless phonecalls and messages stopped. My point is, YOU have rights. Hang in there. Keep telling the truth, doing the right thing the right way... You can do it. We've all been there.. and we know things don't happen over night. Your stbx won't change, but YOU WILL. Get that RO.

Hugs to you,
Loonybunny