I pretty much had a nervous breakdown yesterday after realizing just how much I am screwing my kids up. My DS's 4th grade teacher has told me that my son is an enigma of sorts. In her teaching career she has never seen a boy more unfocused. He is a very smart kid. I am to blame for allowing my DS's depression to escalate to a point where he can't even focus in school any longer. My other ds kindergartener has alot of emotional problems that I am sure I am not helping as well. He wants me to go to school daily with him to help out at school. He is also depressed and very scared all the time. He is walking around with no glasses because H says he has no money until this weekend to fix them....Bull sh!t!!! Roll over a God damn 401K or take a a loan against the house if you have no money I say to him!! We cannot live like this any longer!! My neighbors are starting to give me hand me downs for the kids. They must be wondering.....I live in a neighborhood that the yards are nice and they take great appreciation of their home. Ours is a complete wreck!! My H could care less how his family feels. He takes no pride in HIS home or his family. I'm sorry if this sounds selfish, but it's all true. How disgusting is it to make your wife go around w/o a penny in her wallet. No hair apppointments, etc for me----I'm just not worth it in his eyes! My kids walking around with clothes too small or needing haircuts---we live in a home we could easily get $300,000 for if we sold it. I'm disgusted! I want nothing, I just want out!
I spoke with my sister, she told me not to be too hasty and not just leave the house. She said the kids and I deserve to be in that house w/o H, until a judge decides what to do next. I was ready to go to the shelter. She advised me not to. Ask the lawyer what to do, and make a plan. He is a verbal abuser, not physical. I am not telling him anything about going to a lawyer.
I need to do this for my myself and more importantly my children who I love with my whole being!!
I cried and cried today, I took 1mg of Xanax awhile ago, and start to feel a little more in control, and I need a clear head to see what I have to do next.
I am getting a divorce. I can't believe I just said that............I'm f*#@*&% scared!
Edited 4/15/2004 11:40 am ET ET by pinkdandelion
Edited 4/15/2004 11:44 am ET ET by pinkdandelion
I think you're very near your breaking point to where you are finally taking action to make a change.
I'm right on the same page with Tracy.
CL-Blueliner4
I haven't told him yet that I have a new lawyer..or that I have an appt tomorrow..nor will I. He will find out in due time from his lawyer that I have retained someone.
Please don't tell your h that you are getting a lawyer. I made this mistake in the past..and with his words..he convinced me to drop my lawyer that I had through legal aid. He promised we would work through the finances of the divorce ourselves. That was just his way of leaving me helpless without a lawyer..so I would accept whatever he came up with for finances.
We really have to learn to not let their words affect us so deeply..but I know how hard it is. The crap that comes out of his mouth...is still so intimidating to me. I know he is still in control after nearly 2 years of being seperated.
Good luck...be strong...for you and your kids. You are making the best choices for them right now...as tough as it gets..just remember your doing whats best for you and your children.
You will be fine, Pink. Go for it.
Hugs,
Jackie