I am losing my resolve......HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2000
I am losing my resolve......HELP!
5
Sun, 01-02-2005 - 7:45pm

I had a crying episode today just feeling too much at once. Tomorrow I get the restraining order and it will be served, but suddenly I am feeling sympathy for him and that I should give him time to move out. I know this is crazy thinking, I tried this and he insists on having 60 days and my serving him with an eviction notice both mailed and posted (he told me to take my lazy ass and get it done), and then he started calling me names, he refused to discuss it and walked away. I work a fulltime job and teach night school 20 hours a week, I am not lazy, he doesn't work and only does what he wants to do and if he claims I make him mad he won't do anything at all.

It was after one of his last speeches telling me what's wrong with me including that I don't do anything right. I told him again I wasn't taking this anymore and he needed to move out but I wanted to be fair but its always his way. He began yelling, and name calling, breaking things, and then storming angrily around the house trying to provoke me into a fight. I didn't take the bait. He was trying to teach me a lesson by using the computer when I needed to work that my doing laundry was the same invasion of space as my doing laundry in the basement at 7PM. He was also trying to intimidate and scare me, it worked.

It started with my asking his permission to do laundry and he said no and that I had plenty of time earlier in the week to do laundry. He spends evenings in the basement drinking, smoking marijuana,listening to loud music,and watching porn and the washing machine and my coming down inteferes invades his privacy, yet he is free to roam the entire house, no place is off limits for him. He won't allow me to store things in the basement he says it's too cluttered. A month ago he nagged me into throwing out things I really wanted to keep and that's also why I have a bathroom sink and two doors upstairs. This sounds so pathetic I am ashamed to write it but if I don't I might lose focus.

Writing this out actually helped me regain my focus and determination, this is not living. I am sure most people can freely do their laundry whenever they desire without asking permission and enter their own basements in their own homes when they want too. It hurts me to accept this is how I've lived for the last two years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
Sun, 01-02-2005 - 8:30pm
hi, I know how a controlling guy can be, but mine does it in a manner to where i cant have friends and all my family are wackos. I just realized that i was in a abusive relantionship this past week , and I have been in it for 5 years, its a very hard thing to overcome, and I can relate to your feelings of being lost and crying, I find myself going into denial but i know for a darn fact its abuse, and yes you are in a bad situation, you need to get out. I plan leaving on my husband hopefully summer, i have opened a different account and trying to save money to make my escape. Just know that you are not alone hun.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Sun, 01-02-2005 - 8:55pm

Big hugs, Toni. You're doing the right thing. It's just a night away, so hold on. He has no sympathy for you, remember that. You don't owe him a home when he doesn't even want you to have clean clothes.

Prayers & positive thoughts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2000
Sun, 01-02-2005 - 9:09pm

I regained my determination to follow through from posting and from both of your replies. I decided to go out instead of talking myself into letting him stay. I went to World Market and bought some Christmas ornaments at 50% off, I thought next year I can actually celebrate Christmas, HE hated the holidays, I haven't had a Christmas Tree for 12 years.

Leaving this relationship is hard but the joy I felt knowing I could have a Christmas tree next year was just another reminder of why I have to end it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-02-2005 - 9:56pm
& ya know WHAT? You can put a 2nd Xmas tree, next year, in the basement if *YOU* feel like it! Hang in there Honey ... its only hours away & yoru FREEDOM BEGINS!!!!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2000
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 2:24am
His sister and his other family members are emailing me very concerned about him and what will happen to him after the restraining order is served. My sisters and friends keep calling to check on me. It's all very upsetting. He has his family, my family, my friends and me all upset and scared because he refused to respect me and leave my home. Once again its all about him all the time. Once he and his belongings are out of here I don't even want to stay in contact with his family. I just want it to be over.