I am so angry with myself!
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| Tue, 10-12-2004 - 3:03pm |
I am so madd at myself. I explained in an earlier post alittle about my home life.
I am trying to get invovled with life more, outside of my house and work. I have closed myself off from everything. So without my husbands permission. And of my own accord. I joined the PTO and ran for secretary. There wasnt an atual election No one else ran. And if I havent heard no one else was running when I was picking up my children one day I wouldnt have had the guts to run.
So that was a month ago. I had my feelings hurt on friday by the president. She was prying me with questions thursday "how long have you been married..then why isnt your oldest son have the same name your other children do..is your husband his father..How much do you make a year?" She might have been being nice except the vice president called me the next day and let me know what all was being said about me etc... So last night at this months meeting I resigned. Whats make me madd is the way I react to things I am such an idiot..I dont even get that I am being insulted untill later one when someone else points it out to me. When I do know or figure it out I cant seem to get the courage to say anything to defend myself. I blow everything out of proprotion, I cant pick the boys up from school with out crying in the parking lot before I go in because I dont want to run into any of these women. My oldest son was so proud of me that I did this. I dont even know how to tell him I quit. They did mention the fact that the president was taking things from the school store and she had to pay for them last night. So I know that this might not be the "best" group of women. They also are alittle catty. I feel like such a failure all the time though. And now I am back to sqaure 1 again. I feel like hiding under my bed. I get so damn nervous around anyone anyways. I always feel like people are looking at me and wondering whats wrong with me. I hate feeling like this!!

Oh, honey, don't beat yourself up over this.
CL-Blueliner4
=)
The principal had thought one of my ideal were good enough for her to ask me to go ahead with it. I think this will be much better for me than the PTO. I am going to head up an Art Club for the kids 1 day a week or 2 days a month after school. I am still very much into painting and sketching so this should be fun for them and it will give me something postive to focus some of my energy on. I will be out of the house and maybe hopefully the kids will have a good time with it.
=)
Now THAT is cool!
CL-Blueliner4