I am so confused about how I feel!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I am so confused about how I feel!
2
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 11:03pm
About a month ago I confronted my DH about the way he hits our son in the head when he is mad at him. He hit him on the head about three times then I yelled at H . And then he looked at me and hit son again. He kept hitting him until I pushed him away. This was not the first time DH has hit him. But it was the worst time and it seemed like he hit our son that last time just because I was yelling about it. DH has promised not to hit DS any more. He said "Fine then you punnish him" I'm fine with that. He has not hit him since and I truely believe that he wont hit him again. The problem is... my husband refuses to tell me that he was wrong for hitting our son this way. He said that since he was beaten as a child that he turned out good. Criminals are the ones who werent smacked around. He will not admit to me that this type of punnishment is not acceptable. Ever since this has happened I see my DH in a different light. I dont see him as a sweet loving tender man that he normally is. Including now. I only see the angry beast who was hurting my sweet little boy. (8 years old) My feelings for him are changing. The only thing that I asked him to do was to tell me that he was wrong, but he refuses. I cringe when he touches me. I have no idea what I can do. Nobody that I talk to can help me work through my feelings and help me figure out what I can do. If my feelings continue this way I'll break. The only reason that I am still here is for the kids. And for him. I have never been a person to put my feelings first. How could I leave when it would ruin the lives of my kids and my husband?

Shelly 


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 11:27pm
If you leave, you'll be saving the lives of your kids and yourself. Don't worry about your husband- he's an adult. He can deal with the consequences of his own actions.

I had a nice, long, well thought out post for you, and as soon as I went to post it, I got a lovely little error message and the browser closed. grrrr.



Ruth,

Single Mommy to Leah, 8, Hannah, 6, and nursling Jack, 16m

Ruth, Single Mom to

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 11:31pm
Sweetie, you've got it backwards. Removing children from an abusive home and setting up a happier, healthier one is SAVING their lives. Not ruining them. And it wouldn't ruin your husband's life either. It would CHANGE his life. But he'll survive. He'd try to get you back for a while, then he'd find someone else to abuse and move on. I think, for one thing, you've lost respect for your husband. He's proven himself to be very self-righteous, stubborn, and an idiot when it comes to what it takes for children to grow into healthy adults. He's exposed a very big part of who he is to you and it's quite ugly. You just don't like who he is as much as you did. It's normal for feelings to change when you see these things in a person. You might be confused because you wish all this hadn't happened. But it is best to face the truth square on because if you don't, it will break through to you eventually even harsher. If you keep writing, sharing, listening and learning, what you need to do will come clearer. Good luck to you.