I am so flipping tired of triggers!!

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Registered: 03-26-2003
I am so flipping tired of triggers!!
2
Sat, 06-11-2011 - 2:36am

for the most part I dont deal with them often and not like I did tonight. But I have to wonder if why it hit so hard is what was said is not something I thought I woud ever hear again? And I know the person who said it didnt mean it bad but I let it ruin the rest of the night and here I sit in tears hours later because I am over being damaged!! I want to heal!! I left him six years ago, haven't had contact in at least four years, and in September it will be three years since my divorce!! I am so over all of this and just want the nightmare to stop!! You know we tell people it will stop and get better once you leave but does it really? I didnt cry over the things he said and did when I was with him but now that I no longer am I do? What is wrong with me? Other things people do get to me in ways that shock me too and I dont want to be this way!! I want to laugh at the triggers. I am worried because


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Registered: 01-04-2000
Sun, 06-12-2011 - 9:43pm

I am wondering if the healing process is anything like adoption. What ever age you adopt a child, it takes that many years for that child to "feel" they belong...example you adopt a 4 year old, they will be 8 before they believe they "belong" in the family...I wonder if getting past the triggers might be something like that...an example would be someone in an abusive relationship for 5 years, maybe it takes 5 years to be able to replace the negative triggers with positive reactions.... just pondering...this might be a good thing for some professionals to do a deep research on....if there can be at least a rule of thumb for the victims then the victims can have an idea how long until they resume "normal"....

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-13-2011 - 8:02am

You know how much I hate hearing that it takes time, lol. This was one that never has before and somethhing I hadn't even thought about it years. When I heard him say it I was shocked because it isnt something I ever thought I would hear again. I am pretty sure I went white over it and I hate that things have that kind of effect on me. I want it all to stop and go away and never to feel that way again. i didn't even feel that way when the ex said it. It had noeffect on me then so why now? I know the ex said it to be a jerk and abusive and this person didnt it but it still really got to me. Thankfully he has some training with this type of thing and understood what was going on once I asked him to please never ever say that again. I am worried that I could deal with triggers the rest of my life because of this. This was one I never would have thought to worry about so how can you replace it with something? But I have replaced others but then something new pops up!! GRRRRR!! I hve heard it can take as long to heal as you were in it and so that means 12 years? YUK!! But I am half way thought that but not sure if the healing started at that point or not but at the same time I think this could be an on going battle and one I am tired of fighting and it really makes me glad he is sitting back in jail. After all the pain and hurt he has caused that is were he should stay!!


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