I am so unhappy
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| Tue, 11-15-2005 - 7:54pm |
I hate my life. I hate my life because I am crying in the computer lab at my school in front of everybody. This used to be an everyday even for me during the first 2 years of my 4 year relationship with my df. Suddenly I grew a thicker skin and I was ready to let things roll of my back. Today he just hurt me so much and I can't stop crying. I didn't go to class because I have a friend that can take notes. So instead, I sit here crying. After I am done I will feel so tired that I won't go to Wal-Mart, the grocery store, clean house, and put up the Christmas decorations like I planned. My plans are always ruined.
My DF is the sickest person I have ever met. He acts like I am cheating on him with another man when I want to have friends over, talk on the phone or computer to friends, or heaven forbid-go to a friends house. If my friends do come over he gets angry and jealous and the people always feel like it is somehow their fault and leave.
He is mad because he just got back from hunting and he thinks I went to one of my friends house that he doesn't like. He is so convinced that I did this horrible act that he told me that he will find out and when he finds out I was there, we are over.
I think he is crazy. I know I have to get away, I just don't know how!

Nellie, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.
Sweetie, i know exaclty how you are feeling, right before i left stbx i was the exact same! Crying all day, didnt leave the house, lost all my friends,had no energy to work, get groceries, had NO interest in anything, i basically went into a coma and didnt know how to come out. My life revloved around pleasing him , thinking of him, walking on egg shells, i couldnt do one thing where i didnt think of how stbx would respond, he was my master and i was his servant, its frickin sad stuff, but this is what they turn us into.
Its a very scary place to be, but there is life after this man hun. You will have enough one day and just leave, leave the guilt and shame behind too. This is your life, not his, quit trying to please him because it will never, ever be enough. He may be a sweetie tomorrow or today but he will change into the meanie again, they always do. Dont waste anymore of your energy on him. You have the power and you will gain so much more on your own, if i can do it anyone can, trust me.I am young, and had no power at all, i did not have a job, he was the breadmaker, but i made it out. As for not knowing how to leave him, just leave, pack your things and go, try to do it when he is not there though. Dont even bother explaining to him why, he doesnt care, and for your safety dont tell him face to face. This is your life sweetie, take it by the horns and go! Right behind you sweetie!
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