I can breath and I love it!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
I can breath and I love it!!!
9
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 7:11pm
Hello women,
I have been in here once before about 1 year ago asking some advice on an abusive situation I was in with my son's (my adorable handsom lil 2 year old) father. I got lots of advice but then I decided to take actions on my own.....kinda in a slow 3 more months way and that was the longest, toughest and most dramatic 3 months of my life.
1st of all what happened is my sons father was a cheater, a insecure pocessor, lazy, and a LIAR and ended up abusing me, he harmed to 2 times before the big big day happened, which was the day I finally got out of the situation.
One day he went to go see his other son and didn't come back for hours and never would answer his phone or anything, so I just didn't really care and told my self to just calm down before he got home, I didn't wanna argue when my son was awake. SO then he came home and I had nothin to say.....well he didnt like that i think he thought I should of started a fight or maybe he wanted to but I was just acting sible and playing with my son when it happened. I then picked up my son and walked into my room and set him on the bed, When I turned around my sons father was standing there, I went to walk past him and he grabbed me by my neck from behind and put me in a choke hold and lifted me off the ground by only neck, while my son was behind me Screaming watching this happen. At this point I don't remember anything, because he strangled me to where I passed out. I then woke up all the way across the house in the laundry room thrown under some dirty towles and pressed against the washer with the laudry room door smashed against my face, and my legs were all scraped up and my tongue was almost bit in half. I had no idea where I was or what was goin on until I heard my son screaming and cryin down the hall, I then remembered that I had been straggled and didn't know how long I was out though. So I went to use the phone and he had unplugged all the phones and then when i stubbled my way into the room to get my son, my sons father was paceing back and forth like he was freaking out and then he saw me and tried to pretend like I fell over he acted like I didn't know what happened. So to play safe I picked up my son and told his dad I had a headache and i was gonna go lay down. so this way he didn't freak out more and think I was gonna call the cops or run out. So I played along. Then I proceeded to drop my purse and one key off the balcony when he wasn't looking (the one key was so that when he came out and seen the keys dangling by the door he wouldn't think i was about to take the car). So I then yelled that I was gonna take the trash out ( this was after about 4 hours) so I grabbed my son and went running out the door. I then heard his open the balcony door and look over and that is when he noticed I had no trash and I was picking up my purse off the ground and running to my car. That was the day I excaped my OWN house. I called the cops and then went to my job for safety.
That was one of the worse days in my life but I had so much strength and will never forget the freedom I felt and how happy i was and so proud of myself. I breathed (literally) and at that point made a promise to my son that he would never have to deal with that EVER AGAIN.
I just wanted to get this off my chest and tell you ladies that have been dealing with it forever that it does do damage to you internally, physically and mentally. I now have a vocal disease caused from that day and my neck has muscle spasms and the muscels are not holdin on well because of all the damaga which causes my voice to be very horse and I can't even sing anymore which is what I did before i was with my sons father, my son will never know what I sound like in person.....that hurts me more then anything, but I will never give up on tryin to sing again. I still write and Dj and am learning how to make my own music.
This is my story and I wanted to thank you for letting me get this out and off my chest, hope you girls learn something from this and remember the abuser is a loser leave him alone and go start your own, you'll feel so much better.
Thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 7:32pm

Hi Diva, and welcome back -


I vaguely remember you from your previous visit.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 2:58am
God Bless your strength & what you did for yourself & your son by getting out of there!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 3:01am

Just saw your profile & wanted to say I am so sorry for the loss of your kitty.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 12:40pm
hi there,
Thank you for reading my story and showing so much support, I just really needed to get it off my chest and it seems like there is alot of understanding and support in here.
So about your cat.....not to scare you or anything but my cat was 17 years old and she started to pee everwhere 2 months before she died, just be aware that that is a warning sign when cats get old and start to let go of themselves. The only advice I would give is when your cat wants attention please give her it even if u are really busy because the day before my cat passed was christmas eve and I was sooooooo busy I didn't give her the time of day when she was following me around and trying to get my attention, I just thought she needed food or something but she was good so I just kept pushing her away and then the next day is when she just crawled into her kennel and went to sleep, and I was HURT!!!! I was so upset that i didn't spend her last day with her because I know that she knew she was gonna die.....I still cry when i think of her but I know her body was tired and she lived a spoiled life and she was the coolest cat I ever had. So just prepare yourself, I don't know if you have ever delt with death before but I never had and I know I was a wreck for some time.
Well talk to you later, have a good day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 2:48pm

Thanks. I know the time will be coming & she has lived a wonderful long spoiled life ... but it scares me. I dont want to go thru putting her down alone, or finding her dead alone. Thats the ONLY thing i miss about STBX right now, he was really good & suprisingly supportive in situations like that.

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Avatar for debbe1959
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 7:27pm
I am crying as I write this-- You are such a inspiration!!!!!I'm sure I don't have to tell you, God spared your life that day! Many women aren't that fortunate.In my hometown, we had a woman murdered in her home by her husband; he set her on fire after strangling her unconscious. She had went to her "spiritul leader" and was told to go home and try to work things out with him. I was also told this same ignorant advice. I still have not attended church for 2 1/2 years because too many woman are given this kind of advice! Reading your story brought back these remembrances.I am so thankful that you are alive. I also have permanent physical damages, as well as emotional ones. I am trying to overcome my fears and get back into living again. My days go up and down, but I will make it; so will you. I'm praying that God will heal all of your hurts and restore your voice. God bless you for your courage and will. Deb
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 1:45pm
Thank you so much for your support and thoughts. I am doin very good and have learned to deal with my vocal disease but am working very hard on restoring my singing. My son is very happy as well, I did shelter him alot though from the negativty in the house when his father was around but the day that happened was the day he had to see and I hate the fact that I let that happen, I think that is was hurts me the most and made me get out of the situation. I now am seeing someone who makes me smile and treats me like a real women and a queen, he treats my son like his own and really made me realize there are men out there that are good and I know for sure I won't let my sons father stop me from being the kind, careing, outgoing, funny, smart, pretty, unique individual I am and giving my love to someone who gives it back and deserves it. I won't let him ruin me, I am really dealing with it well. I just hope others can get out of the situation and heal as well as I am. It is hard for sure I know. But "WE" all need to stick together.
Luv,
Darah
Avatar for debbe1959
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 2:26pm
Darah, What a beautiful name! Mine is Deborah-- I like the rah (rah) part. We do all need to stick together and I find comfort here. I know God led me here that day when I was so frightened and felt so alone; Not even the police would do their job and arrest my husband, but God gave me a "touchstone" when I logged on to the message board here! I know that when there are children involved in abuse, it's more traumatic and a heavier burden-- but I think that God uses children to give mothers the strength they need to leave, don't you? I am thankful that my children were protected from him-- they were not his and they were adults; they never met him, but my daughter helped me see that I had to leave. She was instrumental in my leaving and she also re-evaluated her own marriage and left her husband the month after I left mine, sooo, there was a two-fold blessing there!! It's good to hear that you have a true man in your life; for now, I am content to be by myself, with friends and family and PEACE. Peace for me is so new and wonderful. I am thankful. Well, I'm gonna go and continue with my day. Hope you are having a good one?! Drop me a line-- anytime. Thanx for keeping us all posted on your recovery and your new journey! Yours, Deb
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 3:58pm
I actually Have had my peace and time with my son and to myself to think about my future for 9 months now and have finally kinda opened my heart to this new man but only in a campanion and Friend kinda way, he knows I came through a hard and long storm and all he does is be there for me and care for me. I still go out and dance and DJ and see all my old guy friends that i missed when i was in that Relationship because I was considered a "sleeze" if I even thought about any guys and the friend I have now Is so secure and positive about everything it just is a whole big flip from what I was involved in.
Also something really cool about this guy is he found out that I wanted to help out women who are in DV relatioships and do speakings and things like that, so he actually went to a source at work who actually does the same thing and she is not in contact with me and helping me get started on this volunteer program. I just am so happy with how things are goin and how happy my son is and how much the 2 of us have grown these long difficult 9 months, but we are such a good team, I love my son sooooooo much, I know that is true love and unconditional love.
much more, Darah