I did it! I finally stood up for myself!

Avatar for aria_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
I did it! I finally stood up for myself!
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 11:43am
Two days ago I think, I was asking for info on how to get rid of this negative yucky feeling inside, from putting up/dealing with two years of divorce C**p from ex (yes he is really a stbx but he is now ex in my heart).

Well yesterday I suddenly realized that I don't have to hide my plans from him any more. And I don't have to worry and wait to see what he will try to hit me with next as I work on getting a new custody & visitation agreement so that I can move.

So I called him and I told him straight out that I am planning to move. I told him that I planned to preserve the amount of vistation time he has now, but that it will be in a different form. I told him that I will be leaving (I was smart though, I did not say when), and it is my right under Supreme Court law to move. I have custody and he has visitation, so he is fortunate I am willing to be flexible and work with an alternative vistation for the future.

For once he was actually listening to me, so I gave him a heaping helping of the truth. I told him that he has what he has now...his business, his contracts, his employees, my former friends...because I kept my mouth shut about the fact that he is a sex offender. But because of his actions, he has destroyed the foundations of my previous life. I lost my job, my friends, my future security, my business that was just starting to go. I am keeping my mouth shut for the sake of the children. I hope they never know what their father did, because it nearly destroyed me.

I told him to call his lawyer tomorrow and set up a court date for May. I told him that there is no reason for him to keep delaying any longer. The 730 evaluation to create an alternative custody and vistation will be over in 4-6 weeks if ex cooperates. Ex has already delayed 2 weeks and I told him I would not tolerate any more delay. I told him that at this point, I am willing to make a reasonable arrangement to take my half of the value of the business. But he needs to work with me now.

I felt SO GOOD after that! I felt like the big balloon of stress inside of me had popped and for the first time in years I am at peace. I went out into my garden and drew flowers with my new chalk crayons. All of a sudden I have found that I can actually draw! My ex had kept me thinking I was unable to do the creative things I did as a younger person. I feel like the real me is finally coming out. And I like this person LOL.

Just had to share a little joy at the ending section here. I could not have been here without your support. Love Debi

Avatar for cl_mizlizzy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 11:55am
Whohooooooo Ariamom!!.......................................................

All those dots are a test, sorry, LOL!

I am so proud of you for standing up to him, and for realizing that he doesn't have as much power and control as he *needs* you to think he has.

I wouldn't wait for him to proceed, however. I would contact your attorney, and get the ball rolling. Your stbx was most likely taken by surprise with you standing up for yourself and confronting him, but I would brace. He is likely to try another tactic to regan/maintain his power and control, but YOU do have control in this too! You are well on your way, and I really hope all of this falls into place for you, as soon as possible.

It's awesome that the support here helped you, but you did the necessary work sweetie!!

Good Luck with all of this!!


Avatar for chaotican
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 1:39pm
Way to go Debi!! That was a MAJOR step in your healing. You should be so proud of yourself! This is the beginning of you making your choices for you and you alone and rediscovering yourself. I'm so happy for you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 2:36pm
Whoooo Hoooo, congratulations, that must have felt soooo good!Hugs! nt