I don't get it...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
I don't get it...
6
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 12:02pm
Never has my ex been sorry..taken blame...never agreed that he had abused me. He denies ever abusing me. Never no honeymoon period..nothing!!! Just pure hell and no acceptance of creating the hell.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 12:11pm
Brooke,

Early in our marriage (if that's what you call it) my H would apologize and take blame. Now he denies he ever hit me or broke anything. He has hit me numerous times (stitches, bruises, black eyes, etc.) and broken about $15,000 worth of items. Now how on earth can anybody justifibly lie about that? That shows how warped they are. We went to court today for child support and I'm gonna get screwed. He hides money and claims he makes nothing. He is going to pay the mortgage for now, and child support will be settled later.

It's pure hell living with him, and he's going to make it pure hell getting away from him. The judge stated he could go to the shop which is located behind the house. I'd love to have my privacy and this upsets me very much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 12:20pm
Oh that sounds like my ex. He isn't going to give me any more child support. He said if I go to child maintenance enforcement and they tracked him down..he would quit his 60,000 dollar a year job and go to work for a friend "under the table". Just so that I wouldn't get any child support from him.

I know about the privacy..he gives me none..he shows up whenever he wants saying he needs something from the shop...or one of his tools..grrrr

Living with him was hard...but getting away is very painful too! He's making it very hard....his evilness never ends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 1:37pm
Well, I intend on getting away from my H as soon as I can. I think I'll request the farm be put up for auction ASAP. That will break most of the ties, except the kids, with him.

Please don't listen to his threats. That's exactly what they are - is just threats. He knows he can get you to do anything he wants with words and there's probably not a lot of action. Just this once ignore him. I've lived being terrified of threats all my life, and I'm tired of it.

Hugs,

Jackie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 2:16pm
My problem thought is learning how to NOT listen to the threats. He has me so brain washed..and after living with his threats for so many years..his threats are huge to me. I don't know if I will ever be able to learn to ignore the crap that comes out of his mouth. I've always been so worried about rocking the boat with him because I just want things to stay civil as they have been the last year and a half that we've been seperated. Its made it so much easier for the kids. This is going to DESTROY that..and its the kids that pay. THAT breaks my heart!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2003
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 4:04pm
In a particular mouthy period, I once asked the ex what it was like to be perfect.. never to make mistakes...he just laughed at me. You are using a sane mind to try and figure out a sick one. I guess for me this what was so hard about things.. I would NEVER treat him or anyone else like that... why would he do it to me? Bottom line, he will probably never admit he's wrong (unless he's having to woo you back) you will never get your answers to why he does these things. You will not get validation from him, its a waste of time to even try.. believe me. You know you are sane.. you are a good person and he's the toxic one.. please try not to put energy into wondering about the reasons he does things...

Hugs,

Jenna
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 1:22pm
Its too bad we can't notice their sick mind when we meet them and fall in love with them though! Mine could play the nice guy roll so well. People still thing he is such a sweetheart..such a nice guy and so fun! Haa...well they didn't live with him. I remember when my kids were very small. We'd go as a family somewhere for example to my mom and dad's house. The van would be overflowing with stuff that I needed to pack along for the kids (babies at the time). When we arrived at mom and dad's ...he'd unpack all the stuff from the van and bring it into my parents house...we'd each be making 3 or 4 trips to unpack everything. That was great and I appreciated it so much. But when we got back home..I unpacked EVERYTHING..he couldn't carry one thing into the house...just himself...and sat himself down in the recliner in front of the TV! Boy that used to make me mad. Kids in both arms...bottles...strollers...playpen and every toy ever created I'm sure is what used to get packed in that van. But you see...he had to look like Mr. Gentleman in front of my parents. Turned right back into himself again when we got home. He was always like that...still is..treats me like a queen in front of people...treats me like crap when its just us.

Makes me sick that everyone falls for his ridiculous behaviour!