i don't know if i'm in the right place?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
i don't know if i'm in the right place?
2
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 3:40am
I started dating a bunch of older guys when i was 11 - all of them were horribly abusive. I'm 19 now and haven't had an abusive boyfriend since i was 15. My problem is that all of the memories from those relationships are screwing up my relationship wtih my wonderful boyfriend. Part of my problem is that I have learned that being objectified is a good thing and so it makes me feel good about myself in a really strange up away - and my boyfriend gets pissed off when my closest (male) friends do this to me because it's been part of our friendship for about 5 years. He doens't understand why I can't get over these past relationships - and for some reason it's really hard for me to let go of them because during that time period I learned that your pain is the one thing that you own that no one can take away from you. I know - it's messed up. I just need some advise on how to get over all this and make my boyfriend understand that that kind of abuse for so long can't just leave my mind overnight.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 3:52am
I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from. I was in a similar situation. I felt like my girlfriend wasn't taking my own attraction to her to heart. She seemed to thrive on attention in general, but it made me feel like I couldn't show her how much I saw in her beyond just the physical appearance, and how much I genuinely cared beyond that. And it just reinforces the shallow stereotype of men when a woman responds positively to that kind of attention. It can be frustrating when he expresses how he feels about you and then sees that you respond to all of the attention from anyone. He wants to feel special to you, that his love for you is more important than feeling pretty, and that you are the most beautiful thing in the world to him.

At least that's my take on it. And I hope he cares enough to be patient through this with you, and you with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 10:43pm

Hi halberi, and welcome -


What I want to suggest to you is to look into some counseling through your local shelter.

CL-Blueliner4