I don't know what to do anymore
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I don't know what to do anymore
| Wed, 06-01-2005 - 10:48am |
I posted a few weeks ago. My husband has been verbally abusive ever since we were married 3 1/2 years ago. Now that I have just about had it and my attitude reflects this, he has decided that he doesn't want to lose me. He says that realizes that he has been hard on me and he is sorry, he didn't mean anything that he has said. That lasted about a day in a half. Last night he decided that I am trying to find someone else, probably on the internet and that I am not being fair to him by doing that. He is angry again and now everything is my fault. He has been accusing me of trying to find someone else since we got married. I'm not trying to find anybody else, no matter what I say, he doesn't believe me though, he never has. When I say fine, you're going to believe whatever you want to believe anyway, he takes it the wrong way and says that means that I am doing something. He woke me up at 5:00 this morning to argue with me about it.....I don't get up until 6:30. I have been trying to do everything I can to show him I love him, I try to take care of everything around the house so he doesn't have to worry about anything because he says that he has so much stress. I told him I only go to message boards and they are WOMEN message boards, but he doesn't think it is fair that I talk to anybody, he thinks that I'm leaving him out I guess. I can't talk to him about most things though because he always takes it the wrong way and tries to make me into being a bad guy when I am far from that. I'm just so hurt and confused and I feel like a yo-yo.

This is typical in a situation like this.
((((Morgantlsmom))))
I feel your pain and can certainly relate to how you feel. God knows I've been there. I hung in with my abusive XH for several years until the Lord, a really great Christian therapist and "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans, enabled me to see that I was fighting a losing battle and that I had to leave him in order to save myself. Not just to save myself, but to live the life that God meant for me to live.
Because your H is abusive, I feel compelled to tell you that you are in a no-win situation. Statistically, less than 1% of abusers change, and those who do really have to want to change, get in long and intensive therapy, and STAY committed to changing for the better. Nevertheless, I can tell from your post that you've tried hard to please him, and do and say everything "right" so that he won't get upset and give you a hard time.
Please continue reading these boards and posting here, but try to do it when he's not around. You are not alone. Remember that we are here to support and encourage you.
If you decide to leave, don't tell him you're leaving and don't discuss any of your plans with him. Pray hard for God to give you guidance and then move forward in faith. God provided a way of escape for me back in Feb. 03 while my XH was at work, and even placed friends and others in my path to help me leave safely.
Think long and hard about what you want and the kind of life you want to live. Remember that you deserve to be happy. Life is too short to spend it being miserable and being abused by anyone, especially your H.
All the best,
Heymum
I believe the reason he is being all nicey nice is part of the honeymoon phase.
Thank you so much. That article told me a lot. I have been in abusive relationships before, a lot worse than this one. But, I still didn't know all the facts that I should. The articles that I have been reading are helping me a lot to recognize what is going on and to one day try to do something about it. I think it is hard for me because he is trying to be so good and crying and saying how much he needs me. I don't want to be with somebody that needs me, I want to be with someone who wants me. It's also hard because I've been in abusive relationships before and at least he doesn't hit me. It's also it's so embarassing to keep getting in this situation. I'm tired of starting over too.
Tammie