I don't think.......
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I don't think.......
| Wed, 05-25-2005 - 6:12pm |
I don't think I can post here anymore for myself. I will only respond to other people who are posting and go to different boards for myself. Every time I write something about my experience there are people who twist and turn it and go off on different veins. Now, I am not saying that they are not allowed to do that, but it in no way makes me feel supported and understood. I cannot identify with the situations other women here are going through, yes with the way they feel, but no, with their situations. I am sick and tired of explaining myself over and over again.
I was happy to be on this board for a while and to feel like I was a part of this group. But when you are falling on deaf ears over and over again, it gets frustrating. People are talking about situations I cannot bear to have put on my thread. It completely digresses from my point and kind of freaks me out. I was looking for a refined, gentle approach to my problems with my husband (STBX) who has been treating my badly, and what I got is a horrible list of what other people have gone through that has absolutely nothing to do with my situation. I have stated over and over again that my situation is NOT a dangerous one, but myself-esteem is being affected from him. That our home is loving and kind a very good place to raise kids. That I come here to vent from my time alone talking to my STBX and that, yes, I cannot live with the way he treats me anymore, but it is NOT dangerous. I have read responses to other posters who also were not in a dangerous situation, and for the most part given responses that matched their problems. Is there a reason I am not given the same courtesy?
I, coming from a certain background, who had a pretty stable life, am a loving, conscientious devoted mother, and has a lot of other things going for her, cannot be in this environment anymore. To be put in a category HERE that lumps everyone the same way, is too much for me to handle. And I think, anyone coming from my place would understand.
I feel that very little sensitivity was given me here, and I am very disappointed.
As I said, there is a HUGE distinction between suffering as a wife, and having it affect the rest of the home. I would have thought that at least the remarks a community leader makes would reflect that. To me, this is the difference between going to a therapist and having to enter a mental institution. How can anyone not understand that?
Goodbye for now. Will only respond. Done with posting here. I WILL definitely seek help as to why I was ever attracted to him, no doubt about that, but instead of comforting and totally getting what I am saying, I feel like purposely I was not listened to and purposely was again being evaded any type of understanding.
I was happy to be on this board for a while and to feel like I was a part of this group. But when you are falling on deaf ears over and over again, it gets frustrating. People are talking about situations I cannot bear to have put on my thread. It completely digresses from my point and kind of freaks me out. I was looking for a refined, gentle approach to my problems with my husband (STBX) who has been treating my badly, and what I got is a horrible list of what other people have gone through that has absolutely nothing to do with my situation. I have stated over and over again that my situation is NOT a dangerous one, but myself-esteem is being affected from him. That our home is loving and kind a very good place to raise kids. That I come here to vent from my time alone talking to my STBX and that, yes, I cannot live with the way he treats me anymore, but it is NOT dangerous. I have read responses to other posters who also were not in a dangerous situation, and for the most part given responses that matched their problems. Is there a reason I am not given the same courtesy?
I, coming from a certain background, who had a pretty stable life, am a loving, conscientious devoted mother, and has a lot of other things going for her, cannot be in this environment anymore. To be put in a category HERE that lumps everyone the same way, is too much for me to handle. And I think, anyone coming from my place would understand.
I feel that very little sensitivity was given me here, and I am very disappointed.
As I said, there is a HUGE distinction between suffering as a wife, and having it affect the rest of the home. I would have thought that at least the remarks a community leader makes would reflect that. To me, this is the difference between going to a therapist and having to enter a mental institution. How can anyone not understand that?
Goodbye for now. Will only respond. Done with posting here. I WILL definitely seek help as to why I was ever attracted to him, no doubt about that, but instead of comforting and totally getting what I am saying, I feel like purposely I was not listened to and purposely was again being evaded any type of understanding.

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Smileylove,
I have read and reread your threads and because I can relate to a certain extent (yet my situation is alot more extensive) I purposely did not post.
I have always been a leader type in my life and a very positive person. People have always come to me for advice. Obviously, I am in a slump right now because of my life with my husband. My husband took advantage of my good nature.
The reason I get infuriated and I will say this once and for all, is because I have been a childrens' advocate for years. Meaning, I have worked with kids for years, have taken a child psychology class for two years, and am very sensitive to the needs of children. I have seen firsthand situations where the childrens needs (not necessarily food and shelter and safety but communication, basic home stimulation) have not been met and I have worked with them to provide an atmosphere in the daycare/preschool I was working in to have some of their needs met at the school. And some of these kids were from 'priviliged families' but from a different culture that did not foster proper education in the home. Now, I know that everyone is different, but that does not mean that I will allow myself to be portrayed in a way that I am not. I do not feel like a 'victim' at all, I feel like a strong and proud woman who has decided that enough is enough. I know that I have been a willing participant in this marriage, and that no one forced me to stay this way. 'Victim' is not a good word for me because I believe you do choose your life, and you can only be a victim when you are completely unaware of the circumstances that brought you to where you are now. But, I believe, to a certain extent, that most people at least have an inkling as to what brought them there.
Because I am a leader type, it irks me to be spoken to in a way that denotes that I do not know what I am saying or to be not to be taken at face value. Of course, I know me and I can only say what I can say and it is up to any reader to come to a conclusion. I have a lot of advice for anyone who needs help dealing with children and I think can offer that here. So I need to be validated otherwise why would I continue to post here? Unfortunately, it is the few that post that ruin it for me. I understand, it is a free country and people can say what they want to say (for the most part) but it bothers me, so I don't feel like I want to expose myself like this anymore.
gehring1960, your reply was like a G-Dsend right now, and it is not the first time I have felt simpatico with you. Remember the hateful male poster? (Forgot his name). I will DEFINIITELY e-mail you so we can have a heart-to-heart. Thank you so so much.
I am sorry if I have offended you in any way.
I've NEVER come across an "abusive" situation where the children were not mentally harmed by what they saw, heard, or "felt". And I've never heard of it in the 7 years that I've been free. But who am I to say that it doesn't exist?
I was in an abusive relationship, where he called me names, put me down, said that I didn't know how to parent, etc for over 12 years before I left. And... well.. you know how it turned out for me. Guess I did'nt want it to happen to your children.
*sigh*
Sorry if I hurt you in anyway.
Smileylove –
CL-Blueliner4
It will be a shame to see you go but if you feel like you need to go to another board, then that is your choice.
When you are feeling vulnerable and really need some comforting and supportive words, horrific stories really fail to do it for you.
Again, I was not pointing a finger at anyone in particular. Just think that what a person needs to hear is "oh, it's going to be alright" and so on and so forth. That is, at least what I try to do when I respond. Unless it is very bad,and I feel like a stronger approach is needed. After everything I've said, I still don't think I came through. Oh, well.
I do think that there are posters who come here who do receive that support and are generally more understood. I don't know why I am not seen clearly and feel that I am looked at in a fragmented way and not as a whole individual person. A person is not only a person who is going through a difficult time at the stage he is in. A person is a whole spectrum and needs to be addressed as a whole.
I have many interests, I have many other things in my life, and I wanted for that to comes across on this board, but again, did not feel like that happened. If I don't feel validated here, can you understand why I don't feel like I can post here anymore?
Thank you for replying.
Anyway, thank you for understanding me. I am sorry I didn't take time to hear more about your story and have been too much into mine. Please post about your relationship with X if you like.
Anyway, will continue to reply here to posts. And generally lurk. Hopefully we will talk again soon.
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