I don't think.......
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I don't think.......
| Wed, 05-25-2005 - 6:12pm |
I don't think I can post here anymore for myself. I will only respond to other people who are posting and go to different boards for myself. Every time I write something about my experience there are people who twist and turn it and go off on different veins. Now, I am not saying that they are not allowed to do that, but it in no way makes me feel supported and understood. I cannot identify with the situations other women here are going through, yes with the way they feel, but no, with their situations. I am sick and tired of explaining myself over and over again.
I was happy to be on this board for a while and to feel like I was a part of this group. But when you are falling on deaf ears over and over again, it gets frustrating. People are talking about situations I cannot bear to have put on my thread. It completely digresses from my point and kind of freaks me out. I was looking for a refined, gentle approach to my problems with my husband (STBX) who has been treating my badly, and what I got is a horrible list of what other people have gone through that has absolutely nothing to do with my situation. I have stated over and over again that my situation is NOT a dangerous one, but myself-esteem is being affected from him. That our home is loving and kind a very good place to raise kids. That I come here to vent from my time alone talking to my STBX and that, yes, I cannot live with the way he treats me anymore, but it is NOT dangerous. I have read responses to other posters who also were not in a dangerous situation, and for the most part given responses that matched their problems. Is there a reason I am not given the same courtesy?
I, coming from a certain background, who had a pretty stable life, am a loving, conscientious devoted mother, and has a lot of other things going for her, cannot be in this environment anymore. To be put in a category HERE that lumps everyone the same way, is too much for me to handle. And I think, anyone coming from my place would understand.
I feel that very little sensitivity was given me here, and I am very disappointed.
As I said, there is a HUGE distinction between suffering as a wife, and having it affect the rest of the home. I would have thought that at least the remarks a community leader makes would reflect that. To me, this is the difference between going to a therapist and having to enter a mental institution. How can anyone not understand that?
Goodbye for now. Will only respond. Done with posting here. I WILL definitely seek help as to why I was ever attracted to him, no doubt about that, but instead of comforting and totally getting what I am saying, I feel like purposely I was not listened to and purposely was again being evaded any type of understanding.
I was happy to be on this board for a while and to feel like I was a part of this group. But when you are falling on deaf ears over and over again, it gets frustrating. People are talking about situations I cannot bear to have put on my thread. It completely digresses from my point and kind of freaks me out. I was looking for a refined, gentle approach to my problems with my husband (STBX) who has been treating my badly, and what I got is a horrible list of what other people have gone through that has absolutely nothing to do with my situation. I have stated over and over again that my situation is NOT a dangerous one, but myself-esteem is being affected from him. That our home is loving and kind a very good place to raise kids. That I come here to vent from my time alone talking to my STBX and that, yes, I cannot live with the way he treats me anymore, but it is NOT dangerous. I have read responses to other posters who also were not in a dangerous situation, and for the most part given responses that matched their problems. Is there a reason I am not given the same courtesy?
I, coming from a certain background, who had a pretty stable life, am a loving, conscientious devoted mother, and has a lot of other things going for her, cannot be in this environment anymore. To be put in a category HERE that lumps everyone the same way, is too much for me to handle. And I think, anyone coming from my place would understand.
I feel that very little sensitivity was given me here, and I am very disappointed.
As I said, there is a HUGE distinction between suffering as a wife, and having it affect the rest of the home. I would have thought that at least the remarks a community leader makes would reflect that. To me, this is the difference between going to a therapist and having to enter a mental institution. How can anyone not understand that?
Goodbye for now. Will only respond. Done with posting here. I WILL definitely seek help as to why I was ever attracted to him, no doubt about that, but instead of comforting and totally getting what I am saying, I feel like purposely I was not listened to and purposely was again being evaded any type of understanding.

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You must understand, that I am a poster who did need a lighter touch. You all saw that I am on my way to separating from him, couldn't you all just offer words of support? That is all I wanted. But, anyway, thank you for your reply. I will still be here, but as a person who replies, not posts.
I have an aunt, who is a wonderful, beautiful, artistic human being (who also happens to have worked with children for many years.) She was caught in a 20-year marriage with a very abusive, (mentally, emotionally, at times physically) husband. He, however also would put down, and criticize the children, something I would never allow anyone to do. So, you see, there are varying degrees of things in life, and to know a person is also to know that everyone has a boundary as to what they will take, and I would never allow something to get to the point where it is detrimental to my beautiful children, hence that is why I am leaving now. She is the only one in my family who lived this way, (thank G-D she is divorced from him now). But what I am trying to say is that there are some cultures where this is unfortunately a non-spoken part of the culture and to see that you have to see this up close. She has lived in America for many years, but has thought that if she would continue with her peace-loving ways, it would change. It, of course did not. But she is a survivor. And I am glad that she got out of this. Thank for reading and listening.
Please don't take anything anybody said personally.
I'm saddened to hear you feel this way. I don't post much here, but am a regular lurker, and you probably recognize my SN from the divorce board. To me, the great thing about message boards is that you get input from people in many different walks of life. Before I post on a new board, I usually lurk for a while to get a feel for the board and whether it's the kind of board that I want to participate in. I've always seen this board offer kind support and honest opinions. If all people ever posted were "it'll be all right" type of responses, the board would be pretty boring and not very useful IMO. I have seen many posters here offer you support and understanding, but some of the input you've received may have not be what you were hoping to hear. People here are trying to offer you things to consider that you may not have thought of to help you make the best decision for yourself and your children. If you disagree with an opinion offered or feel doesn't apply to your situation, you don't have to try to explain or justify if you don't want to. In the end, you make the final decision about the things you do in your life.
-sang
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