I feel soooo alone...
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| Fri, 01-14-2005 - 10:19pm |
hi everyone,
these past few days i have felt so awful, my abusive husband left for a couple days, (so nice) but at the same time i feel so anxious about him coming back, i hate the thought of it, i love when he is not around, i can be myself. Today i have been crying on and off all day just cause i feel like im a emotional wreck!, I started smoking again, i had quit 3 months ago, but ever since i have been planning my escape i felt the need to start again.
I feel like i have no-one to talk to, all my friends, well the ones i have left thanks to husband, arent really around and my family are all busy with there own lives, the only one who knows about my problem is my sis and you guys. But she is expecting a baby anytime and i dont want to drown her with all my problems. I just hate all these emotions i have been having this last week, one day im pissed off at the world, and at hubby, next day im happier than a whistle cause i know im getting out of here, and than some days like today i feel like total s***, i feel lost and scared...like im going crazy.
This planning to escape and hiding all of the abuse is starting to take its toll, i feel like i want to tell the world but i know i cant, not till i have enough money to leave. Its like im so happy but at the same time im mad and sad because i am still living with him. I am so sick of all the pain and emotion, and reality of all the abuse im ready just to stay and forget about all of it, but i think my sis would freak if i decided to stay..i bet if i never told her i would just stay and ignore it all like i have for the past 5 years...it feels like everyone is living life and having fun but me, when will it all end!?!?
| Fri, 01-14-2005 - 10:38pm |
| Fri, 01-14-2005 - 11:29pm |
