I finally stood up for myself!
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|Fri, 05-13-2011 - 12:30pm|
I'm so proud of me. I finally stood up for myself! And... now, I feel guilty about it. I wrote the details on my blog, but I'll repost here: (Sorry for the length)
It sounds so silly, but my own anger makes me nervous. I don’t like getting so wrapped up in anger, hatred and vile disgust that I start picturing the offending party under violent circumstances. I don’t like it. I think part of me worries that I might just do what I imagine. That I really will take a baseball bat to his car or just run him over with my car. I know that’s crazy. I don’t even kill bugs. I think they have a right to live out their hard-working eleven day lifespan free from some human squishing them.
I can honestly say, I killed an ant just the other day. And, I killed a spider in ’98. But, that’s it. If you’ve read some of my previous posts, you’ve seen that I’ve endured some pretty nasty circumstances where I have become a repeated target for violence in several different forms. I never want to become like those people who have hurt me. I have always wanted to take the higher moral ground. I never fought back because I firmly stood by the belief that you never harm someone you care about.
Not only did I not want to hurt them, but I have seen fellow domestic violence support group members have their defensiveness used against them. In one such case, it was my best pseudo-friend in my group. Her husband was just has violent and crazy as mine, and she had two small children, three and six years old boys, I believe. She had her and the kids all packed up to leave while he was out. She was getting in her car and running back for one more item in the house, when he came home early.
[***POSSIBLE PTSD TRIGGER ALERT***]