I got asked on a DATE today ...
Find a Conversation
I got asked on a DATE today ...
| Fri, 04-15-2005 - 10:11pm |
TOO BAD it was by STBX! Give me a BREAK.
| Fri, 04-15-2005 - 10:11pm |
TOO BAD it was by STBX! Give me a BREAK.
Oh, I was so happy when I saw the title to your post....and SO let down when I read it!!!! I think it'll probably be quite a while before your STBX realizes that its really over. And what's up with them fighting for joint custody and unsupervised visitation?? You'd think that if he really wanted that, he'd at least be going to the MANDATORY counselling, but obviously it's not important enough to him to even bother showing up, and now he wants this? You've gotta be kidding me! I'm wondering, who is the parental counselling with? Is it court ordered? Who pays for it? The reason I ask is because I'm interested in it for my H. He's making some small efforts, but he's still nowhere near where he needs to be with the boys.
I would DEFINATLY fight back on the custody thing. From what I understand, sole custody mainly means that you have the final say in any decision making regarding your DD, is that right? Why should he have any say? He's proven that he cannot put his own feelings aside for her sake.
I hope that your doggy is okay! And take care of yourself!!! I'm dealing with high blood pressure right now, it's a problem I had during my first pregnancy and I could end up on bedrest. Obviously, your problem sound
Re: the couseling. I did ALL the leg work. I contacted Child & family services & teh community mental health center to find out how supervised visitation is instituted & what type of counseling there was. I gave my atty all the info that i wanted, & based on the fact we had a RO, the judge ordered it. He is to attend weekly counseling with the CFS therapist, surrounding parenting issues - AND he is supposed to have supervised visitation. He is doing neither now. The only reason he IS seeing our dd is b/c I feel badly for HER, & i meet him at the park once or twice a week the past couple of weeks, so she can see her Dad.
~R~
I was going to give you a big WOOHOO for scoring a date, but since it was your STBX...actually, I am going to give you a big WOOHOO! for saying NO, Thank You! You are so strong and driven that you deserve the very best!
Can I tell you something...DO NOT tell your STBX about your heart problem, even if you feel it doesn't amount to much...he and his atty. will try to use it against you in court to get custody of Avery. My STBX tried to use the fact that because I have diverticulosis and have had 2 surgeries because of it, I was not healthy enough to care for my dd. The Judge looked it up on the internet herself and saw right through his charade and it backfired in his face.
Also, the GAL is a good thing, and don't think for one minute that he scored well, OK? My STBX thought that by requesting a GAL in our case it would prove to the courts that I was an unfit mom...He swore to the GAL that I was a daily crack cocaine user up to the day he left, and because I took 1 UA and 2 hair follicle tests (all came back negative), the GAL saw that my STBX is a pathological liar. The GAL ruled completely against him and said that sole custody should be given to me because he has no control or respect from the children in his home. Not to mention the fact that on Sundays he drinks a 12 pack of beer with tomato juice while watching a sports game, his 23 yo dd is wanted for welfare fraud, his 16 yo smokes marijuana/drinks jack danials (has been convicted for possession), and is not in school, his 19 yo dd has arrest warrants out for shoplifting...his son in law has been convicted of sexual assault...the list goes on and on. My STBX even told the GAL that I showed up at my dd's school drunk to pick her up. He said that my dd's teacher told him that, and when the GAL contacted the teacher, she said that she has never had any direct contact with my STBX and has never seen or suspected me of being drunk when she has spoken to me which is on a daily basis.
But that isn't the end of it for me and it won't be the end for you either especially if the GAL report comes back in your favor. Now my STBX has decided that he will ask for a continuance and request that I go through psychological evaluations to prove that I'm emotionally unstable (I know it will come back to prove that I've abused)...it is the exact same thing that I went through with the GAL and the results will be the same, I'm sure. My STBX thinks that if he requests this, he won't have to do the same. Well he does and if he doesn't do it that will be yet another strike against him. Just another tactic he is using to control me. He also now has a heads up on how to behave to make himself look better but the GAL report will be given to the psychologist as well. Hopefully he will paint himself into a corner...
I don't mean to be a wet blanket and hope that you don't have to jump through the hoops I've had to jump through, but be prepared for the fireworks. Your STBX is probably charming and charismatic in public and everybody thinks he's a great guy, but we know, that he's very abusive behind closed doors. Mine was/is and tries to manipulate the courts into believing that I'm the worst person in the world. Fortunately for me, the GAL saw him for who/what he really is.
Please be safe and take care of yourself and Avery...Hugest of hugs to you and all of my respect!
Melanie