I have to get this out......

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2011
I have to get this out......
Thu, 06-30-2011 - 12:08pm

Let me first say that I have maintained no contact with the stbx. Even though he has called, I have not answered, and he has mailed things to me.

I spoke to my lawyer yesterday and he said that his lawyer said she mailed the signed papers to my lawyer on the 21st. My attorney has yet to receive them. So, she has got to try to get him back in the office to sign them again and she will call my attorney and he will let me know when he has signed. I will then drive and pick them up myself and deliver them to my lawyer. I shouldn't have to do this, but I will do whatever it takes. I have no idea why

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 06-30-2011 - 4:44pm


Good for you that you have maintained no contact.. You sound stronger and will continue to move forward into healing.Just throw out all of the things he sends to you. Do not open them nor look at them .. Throw them away and dont engage in any of his sick tactics.. If he sends flowers or whatever do not accept them or tell the store it was a mistake and they are not yours.Let your ex spend his money on that stuff and then when he finds out he is buying you things and you are forwarding them back to him or throwing them away he will stop..

Let me say that of course its not fair about you paying half of the house.. I guess it didnt get sold right?

Oh; A few ideas .. Is there anyway that you can get him out of that house and you go back and live there? You will have to file a bunch of paperwork and a restraining order. Has that been an option at all?

Is there anyway you could through the courts to claim a hardship and not pay the mortgage until the house is sold?

Would you consider not paying the mortgage and when the house is sold you pay it back that way? I dont know how much money you are getting? You would have to see if its worth that.

I would advise staying at your parents until you can back on your feet. Even if you sell your house stay at your parents for awhile until you can afford your own apt.

Dont feel bad because I am 57 years old and I live with my sis and mom. I cannot afford an apt. in these economic times so we share the expenses and hope for the best.

All you can do is look at your situation as temporary.. This will pass and things will def. get better.

You might get a raise at work, you might find a better paying job? Your house will get sold eventually and you will have money.

Dont give up on yourself for you have come too far..

You are going to have ups and downs and this is normal. There will be days

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2011
Fri, 07-01-2011 - 9:26am

Freeatlast2008: Thank you for your post. I have had a few people tell me that I am getting stronger. It is hard for me to tell sometimes. I have a hard time understanding why he is trying to so hard NOW. He just won't sign the papers and move on. I left a controlling marriage for freedom and end up he is still controlling when/if he signs the papers, the house, etc.

You gave me some ideas about how to deal with the house issue. I don't know if I could afford the mortgage and the utility bills if I were to live there. I would also have to change the locks, because I don't trust him.

He changes so quickly. My counselor said it was the Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde.

I know the situation is temporary. It is just so hard to look forward to anything when you don't know how it is going and have no control. I do remind myself all the time (I have to) of the things he did and how he treated me.

I am just so tired of all these different emotions. And yes, I am hard on myself. I have been told that, too. I am working on being kinder to