I have nothing left
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| Thu, 04-07-2005 - 7:49am |
Normally, I try to be strong on here and support everyone, but I'm to the point where I have nothing left.
Literally, every other day I get letters from the lawyer. My ex has decided to tell everyone that he is sick with cancer and can't work, can't help pay any of the bills and still wants to see his son. In the past week, I have been told I will just have to pay for anything joint between us as he is a dry well, it was implied that I cheated on him and now they tell me that he will not be able to pay any child support possible ever. The lawyer wants to do a pendente lite agreement on everything from the divorce, custody and support(to be reserved) however this would only be temporary and that would mean latter on he could go back and make trouble sue for custody and soforth. There is nothing permanent about this.
I am literally done. If I wasn't such a chicken I would probably off myself. I have tried to move on, but he is never going to let me just go and will never get on with things. He is going to ruin me forever and there doesn't seem to be anything anyone will help me do about it. I should have just stayed with him. I could at least minimize what he did then. He lives 5 minutes from me in a nice large house with his new girlfriend, who is the ex wife of someone who works daily with my mom(coincidence, I think not). He doesn't work, but to everyone who sees him he looks fine and even runs errands and rides his friend's motorcycle(I have seen him on it). I tried dating someone I knew for many years and he was actually worse than the ex. My ex was at least committed to me and didn't want all kinds of people in bed, just me.
I go to counseling and have been doing that since November. They try to help, but when I try to do the things they suggest my ex stops me there as well. I have also been trying to make a go of the business I started with my ex. I have been treated rudly once this week and then last night the next customer who up until last week said he wanted me to do the job for him called to say he didn't want to do the work now. I can't go out without taking someone as if he sees me alone he will try to intimidate me. I can't take the baby anyplace as he will harass us if he sees the baby. Currently, my grandmother watches the baby during the day due to all the stuff with the ex, but at some point I am going to have to pay for daycare and that is $200 a week in my area. I tried for some type of aide, but I make too much money. I have asked for medical proof of his illness 2 weeks ago and nothing.
I just don't know what to do and I am getting tired of trying and getting nowhere. I can't heal, I can't move on and I am going to be saddled with him forever.
-J

No, you are not JB.
CL-Blueliner4
That's why I started all this for the baby. Now I get told that whether he ever helps with the child in any way or not. I cannot deny him visitation. In Maryland, support, custody and visitation are handled as 3 different issues. So my son will get the priviledge of having his dad walk in and out of his life whenever he wants to and there's nothing I can do about it. The ex can and I'm sure will make awful comments about me to my son.
The business is just that I have to get a check to my supplier or they will go thru the roof and I am trying to get things rolling again now that the weather has broke. I am trying to keep it all together I am trying so hard and it feels like everything is falling down around me.
Oh and my lawyer told me today that no judge will make him pay support or anything else for that matter if he is sick. I said he isn't and is riding motorcycles, running errands and has a nice tan from what I hear. I was told I married a rock and should have seen that when I married him and you can't get blood from a rock. He wasn't like this when I married him. He only became abusive in the last 2 years or so. Up till then we had a wonderful marriage.
I had a RO on him and it expired in December. I could not get one when he last saw me as I didn't have a address on where he was living and it would not be in effect until they physically served him. He has his mail sent to his mother's and lives another place. I didn't find out until recently where that was. It's five minutes from my house and his girlfriend is the ex wife of someone who works daily with my mom. Even in our town that is too coincidental. I keep telling the lawyer this and he just doesn't get it. I thought of switching attorneys, but the local DV place told me they are all going to approach things the same way. It was even incinuated that I cheated on him and I had tell when, where and who with. If I was forgiven I was also to tell why I felt I was forgiven. I have been stuck with any bill that was joint and there's no way to seek any money from him on that as the loan contract supercedes any divorce decree so now I have 2 repo's on my credit and can't get any car loan. So I am stuck with a 87 Jeep that I've spent 1000 on since Aug to just keep running.
R~