I have a question or two
Find a Conversation
I have a question or two
| Thu, 02-19-2004 - 1:18pm |
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year.In November he hit me in the face while he was drunk. In January he bruised my arms up from grabbing me really hard. About 3 weeks ago when we were going to sleep we argued and he bit my face. my friends thought it was a hickey(?) but it was from him biting me. I am a young professional/college-graduate who has been treated well by all but 2 boyfriends. I left the first one after a 3 year relationship by moving 6 hours away. Now I live near family. I love my boyfriend very much and was hoping to settle down. I have common sense but it feels like Im hopeless. Is it too late for us, for me? Im scared but I care deeply for him. can we get help together? alcohol may be a factor--we both go out from time to time. but lately he gets mad very easily when we are just laying in bed talking or on the phone...is he insecure or jealous? both? I need to know what to do. last night he didnt want me to talk to my sister so he threw a pillow in my face and kicked my behind. i have never ever felt this way i just cringe inside and cry but im scared to let him know. i feel ridiculous and helpless. I live in a small town and i need some help.

Pages
Hi redturtle and welcome -
Was he drunk when he bit you?
CL-Blueliner4
Just to share a bit of my experience with a chemically dependent abuser, mine was alchohol/cocaine, it will not get better. Although the alchohol is a chemical dependency the abuse is not. Abuse is a concious decision to obtain power and control over another. Alot of abusers blame the alchohol for the abuse but in truth it is the excuse they use to cover their behaviour.
Even after going through rehab for 60 days, my abuser went back to drinking within 3 months post rehab, the abuse started only about a week after they got home. So thinking that you can help him see the err in his ways is not only futile but dangerous as abusers do not like anyone confronting them about their authority.
The love you feel, we all felt. It is one of the ways they catch us in the first place. We fall in love with this great person, all goes well until they know that we would follow them anywhere. They keep us within their grasp by saying how they love us, we take that for fact when it's only an empty promise. You will have to see past your love for him to find the help you will need. It will be hard at first but the longer you are away from the abuse, the clearer you will see how deeply he has effected you. Also do not place blame on yourself for not seeing him for what he is sooner. They make sure we don't see their true selves until well into a relationship.
You are no longer alone in all of this no matter how small your town. You have found a wonderful community of caring people here and I hope we can help you find happiness again.
So welcome and I hope you post, ask and vent here whenever you want too!
Hugs
Excellent post, AZmommy!
CL-Blueliner4
Peace and hugs,
Cheryl =)
The minute you settle for less than you
Pages