i just want to be respected

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2006
i just want to be respected
3
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 1:01pm

I originally posted this on the 'Toxic Relationships' board, but someone suggested I post here also, to get some other opinions.

I am 24 and my boyfriend is 25. We have been going out 16 months and have been living together for four. I love him with all of my heart, but sometimes he (emotionally) hurts me and no matter what I say to him, he keeps doing it.

Tonight, I was a bit cranky and he said something about me being f***ing lazy. I said, dont swear at me. Then he goes, f*** f*** f***.

Well, that bugs the heck out of me! Hurts me too, that he will talk to me like that. I've told him before, things like, you dont respect me. I know thats not a good way to put it to him, but what else can I do to make him realize he is not making me very happy!

Another time, I think it was worse though. We got into an argument and he called me an f*****g b****h, and i said 'Oh I want to hit you so bad right now' He said, go ahead.. I dont hit girls, but if you hit me I WILL put you on the ground. Then I got mad and left. Later on, I said... if you ever call me a b***h again, i will hit you, i dont care what you do to me. So then he goes, B***h, B***h, B***h, and, of course, i keep quiet. I know he is just antagonizing me here, and I'm not sure he really means to be hurtful what he says. But its his way of dealing with stress? I dont know.

I guess it could be worse, but its something that is hard to deal with.

He's only been doing this just since we've moved in together. He was never disrespectful to me in any way before we moved in together. Its strange. We've only lived together since the beginning of November, so it hasnt been going on that long. Its not like he does it all the time, but there are only two major times where it has pissed me off this bad.

I think it is our relationship is equal, besides the housework.. LOL. I have talked to him about it and he says he will try to help out more if I need it, just to ask me. I know that he wants to be together a long time and get married eventually. Its off and on for me. Some times I feel, yes, I'm ready to marry him, and others I dont. Its just because I'm not used to disagreements. Honestly, I just realized I am wanting our relationship to be PERFECT, and I now know that that is not a possibly. I think if I learn to accept this, I will be happier.

Maybe this is just a rant, but if you have any opinions send them my way. :-)
Thanks.

Avatar for adryl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 4:21pm

"I think if I learn to accept this, I will be happier."

Annie,

This behavior is not something you should learn to accept! He is disrespecting you, and it will likely only get worse. The more you allow him to treat you this way, the more he will disrespect you. You also run the risk of the verbal abuse eventually becoming physical. I certainly wouldn't marry him, given the circumstances. The abuse will likely only increase should you do so.

Please take care of you,

Adrianne

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 7:52pm

Honey, this is only the beginning.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 11:38pm
I agree with what everyone else has said, it is good advice. In the very least, I would say that this guy is definitely NOT marriage material. Marriages that last through old age never start out like that. And I would never recommend trying to change him. I doubt even speaking to him would help. This isn't a bad habit that can be talked over like throwing the clothes on the floor or forgetting to take out the trash. I would recommend not being forgiving in the communication department. This is definitely the most important part of a relationship. If you can't communicate, if you cannot feel comfortable about telling someone how you feel, it should be a signal it is time to move on. But I also understand how very difficult that is to do. Whatever you decide to do though, we will always be here to support you. No worries there.