I left after almost 7years of abuse

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2009
I left after almost 7years of abuse
10
Fri, 11-12-2010 - 11:06pm

Hello ladies. Im katie, I finally left my abuser of almost 7years. Im 21 with 2kids and 1on the way.

A little background::

When I was 16, he beat the living hell outta me, I had a concussion,broken nose,fractured, eye socket, bruised back, couldnt open my mouth for almost 2wks, not to mention the other bruises and bumps all over my body. I almost died from him choking me 4times that I can remember during that episode. I was upstairs in my mothers house. I remember being petrified and knowing I was about to die. He threatened to kill my family if I left him. So I stayed.

When I was 17 I got pregnant with my DS, and the abuse got better. After I had him though it got worse. I had severe PPD and no insurance so no drs. I was stuck in his brothers house(whos also very abusive to his g/f and son) finally we moved to MO and it got a little better because we were living with his father and step-mother and his brother moved to texas after 6wks of being in MO.

In Aug of 08 he back handed me after me finding out he was cheating on me etc. I had him arrested. I got a restraining order, but his step-brother and SIL couldnt let me stay for more then a month so at that time I had to move back in with him and his father. I got pg again in nov of that year. During that time he was abusive and I left him in Dec. but he convinced me to give it another shot because "he would be better" Well he was for a while. I got a job since he was unemployed since his last arrest. From their it got easier. He was still WAYYYY controlling but I had a safe haven.

Over the last 3years since my son was 2wks old I have been forced to have sex with him every night. If I said NO(which I did anyways, but if I overly refused) he would want to know who I was having sex with then. He would also keep me up arguing with him until I gave in. It didnt matter if I was tired,sick,had to work in the morning, w.e.

After DD was born i wanted to nurse he so bad, he threatened to cut off my nipples the time he caught me nursing her. I managed to nurse her anyways, after I threatened to have him arrested, he chilled mostly.

I went back to work and was even more tired, and he hinted that I was cheating etc.

Fast forward to this past month::

He started getting abusive towards my son, calling him names, threatening him, holding him down etc. Finally I had enough since he WAS NOT STOPPING, This past Saturday(11/06/10) DS got ahold of a pack of his ciggerettes(2nd time) and broke them to itty bitty peices. When he found them he started threatening to beat the f*ing crap outta him. I tried to calm him down and protect my son, but I failed and DS got a spanking, not horrible but STILL enough. I waited, bided my time till the courthouse was open. Monday, I went and filed for the ex-parte. It was granted.

These last few days have been so great! Just a few minor bumps because of him.

He had his SIL call me for him for his court papers. He emailed me himself, guilt tripping me for "taking his kids away from him at xmas time no less". His pw was saved into my pc and I didnt relize it since I dont use that browser(google chrome), and when I opened it up it was his page and I noticed he had email from his step-sister that was fresh(i didnt relize it wasnt my page until this point). He was feeding her a bunch of BS, basically making himself look great and me look like the liar.

He claims to have never forced me to have sex with him, that had I told him no he would have respected that, he just wanted some attention. That he only spanked DS twice, and that(this is my favorite part BTW) in 13wks(im 19wks pg and go until 39ish wks with both pg) he will find out about paternity, since they suspect I got pg around the time I was cheating(I wasnt). So it makes since as to why his brother said that I lied to get his brother out so that I could move the guy I was cheating with in with me.(I would like to at least know this guys names if hes moving in with me BTW) and all this other BS.




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Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Sat, 11-13-2010 - 8:44am

Hugs, Katie and welcome to the board!

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2009
Sat, 11-13-2010 - 12:44pm
Thank you!

Im living in my apartment. Which thankfully on of the steps i took to protect my kids was make sure he wasnt on the lease so had no right to the apartment. I got sec.8 last month so that really helps! i know I should call but i feel awkward doing so, and like i dont deserve to use those resources since he hasnt physically hit me in months. Its all been emotional and demeaning and sexual.



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Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Sat, 11-13-2010 - 4:33pm

Katie, please contact your local domestic abuse agency.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2009
Sat, 11-13-2010 - 11:55pm
He just wont stop I just recieved this email from him.

are you gonna take my kids away for ever.so I've tried to get pics of them Im sorry.IM THERE FATHER and your just gonna remove me from there life.what happend to you. I deserve to see my kids.how heartless can you be.
u have no soul. u wont even tell me my court date.Y do you want me to go to jail. IM sorry

Why does he act like *I* did this to him? What did I do except protect my kids and self from furthur abuse?

I know that I should I just dont know were to go from here, I want to move, have been wanting to move on. I just dont know were to begin....



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Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Sun, 11-14-2010 - 8:28am

Katie, what he is doing is very typical abuser behavior.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2009
Sun, 11-14-2010 - 10:29am
Thank you. I will call them tomorrow and see what they can suggest.

Im going to let the judge know hes still been contacting me. He left his copy here because when the cop served him and waited on him to get a few things together he was more interesed in getting his xbox and controllers then clothes and the order. idk were it is now, I have stuff all over in attempt of clearing out his stuff.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2009
Sun, 11-14-2010 - 10:30am

Thank you. I will call them tomorrow and see what they can suggest.

Im going to let the judge know hes still been contacting me. He left his copy here because when the cop served him and waited on him to get a few things together he was more interesed in getting his xbox and controllers then clothes and the order. idk were it is now, I have stuff all over in attempt of clearing out his stuff.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 12:57pm
Why does he act like *I* did this to him? What did I do except protect my kids and self from furthur abuse?

Yes this is all to make you doubt yourself and if you read it, listen to it, it'll creep back in your head. So the best thing to do is to enforce no contact. He can get his court date as CajunHarmony pointed it out.

You're doing great! You're doing the right thing! Keep it up!

You are so young; you have so much ahead of you.

Are those puppies your children are holding in your avatar? I worry if the puppies are left with him, he'll kill them or injure them and make it an accident.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2009
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 3:03pm
they are stuffed dogs from scotland :)

Ive blocked his emails. His SIL emailed him to ell him to stop getting ppl in the middle of this. His sister is going to give him a piece of her mind about backing off and responsibility...

Today has been less nerve wracking. I have court tomorrow though...



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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 3:34pm
LOL! OK, I get a little hyper vigilant about animals...

We will be thinking of you tomorrow! Stay strong!