I left....Please help me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2004
I left....Please help me!
2
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 7:01pm
I am frazzled and stressed :-(

I left my husband on Wednesday saying I needed time to think. Before he left for work that morning he said his quality of life had gone down since marying me. Well, I went to the lawyer and said I wanted to get a divorce. The papers were filled on Thursday and he was served this afternoon. He called cring, admitting his fault in everything. He said he wanted to get help, that he would find out what was wrong with him inside his head. He told me he didn't mean to hurt me. He was upset that I implied he was violent (he did throw and beak a table and get up into my face in a rage! It also upset him that I mentioned his first wife filing a complaint of abuse against him since their marriage was annulled and nothing ever came up about abuse. He was pathetic but sounded desperate and sincere.

I stood firm that I did not want a seperation but a divorce. I called him later to make sure he called the psychologist (which he promised to see) and leave a message for him to call back on Monday. Amazingly enough he wasn't wepy when I called. He sounded a little pissed but trying to control his anger. He again mentioned that I mentioned things in the affadavit that he didn't think fair. He wouldn't take a lawyer and thinks neither of us should. He wants to settle this between each other so that our son doesn't have to have the scar of divorce in his background. But he also doesn't want it on his record ( he is an immigrant without citizenship. He mentioned how he said previously that if we seperated he wanted us to remain friends but he seemed to be implying that some of the things I said in the affadavit might jeapordize it.

Is this common?

I hate him for trying to screw with me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 8:14pm

Sweetheart, you stick to your guns on this.

Mama Harmony

Avatar for silvermoon458
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 2:24pm
Hugs and congratulations, Barnaclequeen. You need to be very, very proud of what you have done. It takes ten tons of courage to leave. Look at yourself tonight in the mirror and smile at the lovely, brave lady in the mirror.

I agree with everything that Cajunharmony has said. He is controlling and manipulating you right now by trying to keep you away from a lawyer. Please don't fall for it.

Please consider making all contact with him through your lawyer ONLY. It will keep you safe, and will allow you to see him clearly for the abuser he is. As long as you have to listen to his drivel, it will be tempting to believe the pity stories and manipulations that he will feed you.

Huge hugs,

Christine


Edited 8/23/2004 2:25 pm ET ET by silvermoon458

Outside ideas of right doing and wrong doing, there is a field. I will meet you there. -- Rumi